Page 66 of Inked Persuasion

It wasn’t fair. And yet it was the only thing thatcouldbe fair, right?

“It’s not coffee. What’s wrong?” Paige paused. “Is it Jacob?” she asked, her voice soft. My gaze shot to hers, and she frowned. “I didn’t want to be right. Oh, no. I’m so sorry. What happened?” She paused again. “Wait, am I going to get angry? Should I go get the ball-cutting shears?”

“There are ball-cutting shears?” Eliza asked from the doorway, her eyes wide.

I groaned. “Why do we talk about castration so often in this office?” I asked, and then promptly burst into tears.

Eliza closed the door behind her, mumbled something to one of my brothers or Clay as they tried to get in, and locked the door. I found myself leaning on Paige as she came around my desk and held me close. And then Eliza was there, holding me on the other side.

“We’re not going to castrate him,” Paige said. “We may hurt him. But tell us what happened. I thought you guys were happy? That everything was working out?”

Eliza ran her hand over my hair and dropped to her knees in front of me so she could face me better. “What did he do?” Eliza asked.

“I feel so stupid for crying. I shouldn’t cry.” I sniffed, and then Paige handed me a box of tissues. I wiped my face and blew my nose, annoyed with myself. Eliza gave me my reusable bottle of water, and I nodded my thanks before gulping some down.

“That should help water down some of the coffee I know you have burning through your system,” my best friend said.

I looked up at Eliza. “How did you know I’m jittery from coffee?”

“Because you’re in pain and you want to do all the work you possibly can so you don’t have to think about that pain. And when that happens, you use caffeine so you have all the energy to do what you’re doing. And because I know you’re not sleeping.”

“And that’s why you lied to me about needing coffee,” Paige scowled. “I knew you were lying.”

“Well, I’m not very good at it. Not even to myself.” I sniffed again and wiped my eyes. “Or maybe I’m wrong. Jacob didn’t seem to realize that I’m so in love with him, I feel like I’m dying inside. No, he pushed me away because I’m the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or whatever other metaphor out there means being too much and yet not enough.” I burst into tears again, annoyed with myself, but pushed away Paige and Eliza so I could wipe my face. “Sorry. I’ll get it out of my system.”

“You don’t have to,” Eliza whispered. “You can cry, you can scream, you can do anything you need to. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I wish there were something I could do.” She glanced over at Paige. “That does not include castration.”

My sister winced. “I would never actually do it. It started as a joke, and now it’s snowballed into this horrible thing. I wish there were a way we could help. Do we need to go over there and kick him in the shins?”

“I don’t think that will help,” I said and hiccuped before I blew my nose again.

“Did you leave anything at his house that we need to go get?” Eliza asked, her voice steady. That was Eliza, always so steady, even in the face of fear and anger and everything that went on with being a military wife. She was my constant friend. “We’ll get it for you so you don’t have to see him.”

“I didn’t. We’re literally neighbors. We never had to worry about leaving a toothbrush at each other’s house. We just did the walk of shame through our front yards.”

“There was never anything shameful about what you did,” Eliza said. “If he’s making you think it was shameful, then that’s on him.” She paused again. “You love him?”

“I do,” I said, annoyed with myself. “I didn’t mean to. That’s not what I wanted. We both told each other and ourselves that we only wanted to have fun, become friends, have sex, and not let it go any deeper. That we wanted nothing but great sex and conversation. And that’s what we had. And then I was stupid and fell in love with him.”

“There’s nothing stupid about that,” Eliza said.

“Seriously. You’re allowed to love somebody. It’s what we all want.”

I met my baby sister’s gaze and then shook my head. “It’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want that, and yet look at me. I’m sitting here, a weeping mess at work, and the brothers are probably ready to break down the door to get inside.”

“It’s not only your brothers,” Eliza said, and I looked up at her. “Your father’s out there, too.”

I closed my eyes and cursed. “Well, should we let them in so we can give Jacob his last rites?”

“You don’tneedto tell them anything,” Paige said. “In fact, don’t. Let yourself do what you need to do. Grieve if you need to. And then later, we can kick Jacob in the shins. Because that’s what I need to do.”

I laughed a watery laugh. “Maybe that would help. But he has so much on his plate right now…”

“I know he does,” Eliza said. “But he didn’t have to hurt you.”

“I wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for him. It’s my fault that I’m hurt. My fault that I fell in love with him. And my fault that he couldn’t see.”

“I might agree with you on the first two,” Eliza said sharply. “But that’s on him for being blind to your feelings. Or perhaps lying about his own.”

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