I just looked at her, and then I laughed. Nothing was funny about this, but I couldn’t help it, I laughed harder. “No, you don’t get to do this. Just be with Bob, be happy. But this right now?” I said, gesturing between us. “It’s never happening. I’m doing fine,” I lied. “You need to go. You need to lose this address, ignore whatever reporter instincts you think you have. I’m done. Go now, Susan. Be well.” She looked at me, her eyes comically wide, and then I slammed the door in her face.
Jesus Christ, I was done. Done with it all. I didn’t want to deal with my ex-wife now or ever.
I chugged the rest of my beer, recycled the bottle, and thought about getting another one, then remembered the piles of work I had waiting.
When my doorbell rang again, the tension in my shoulders knotted, and I ground my teeth. I didn’t bother looking through the peephole again, just yanked open the door and shouted, “What the fuck do you want?”
Annabelle’s eyes widened, and she took a staggering step back, nearly dropping the brownies in her hands.
I cursed and reached for her and the brownies at the same time to keep her from falling. “Shit, Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, Annabelle. I thought you were someone else.”
“Clearly. At least I hope so. I’m sorry. I was stress baking over work and everything, and I made a double batch of brownies. These are for you.” She handed over the square tray and grimaced. “I’m not the best baker, but they’re pretty chocolatey, and there’s a ribbon of caramel in them, too. They’re for you. I was trying a new recipe and thought you could use something.”
She nearly turned, and I cursed again. “No, come in. Yeah, I think we need to talk.”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she blinked at me before she gave me a small nod and walked inside. That probably wasn’t the best way to start whatever it was I needed to say but yelling at her on my porch was likely worse.
“I would ask if you’re having a good day, but I guess you already answered that for me,” Annabelle said, rolling her shoulders back.
“Yeah, it’s been a shitty day. My ex-wife just showed up right before you got here, and I thought you were her again. She won’t leave me the fuck alone, and I have no idea what she wants. But I’m done with today.”
“I can see that.”
“I’m done with a lot of things, Annabelle.”
She didn’t do anything, didn’t react at all, just stared at me.
I was already mucking this up. I might as well continue. “What we’ve had recently has been great, but it’s been a little too much for me. We didn’t want anything serious, yet every time I turn around, things are getting a little too tangled. I have too much on my plate to worry about anything else, so this needs to be it. We’re moving too fast, and I’m done.”
“You’re done,” Annabelle said, her voice steady, her face not showing any emotion. I had no idea what she was thinking, and I knew I wasn’t doing this right. I didn’t need to be a jerk, but apparently, I couldn’t help it.
“I’m sorry, I know I should have done it softer or whatever, but we’re friends, right? We can tell each other the truth.”
“The truth,” she repeated, her voice still devoid of emotion.
I looked at her and nodded, worry creeping up on me. Why wasn’t she saying anything? “Yes, the truth. I have enough in my life to deal with right now. I don’t need to complicate things further. I don’t need anything getting in the way of my family and work. So, while what you and I had is nice, it can’t happen again. I’m sure I’ll see you around the neighborhood, and with my parents. But other than that, I think we need time apart.”
I was saying all the right things. This was exactly what we both needed. I didn’t want to end up hurting Annabelle in the end anyway. Because what if she fell for me? I couldn’t be with Jonah’s wife. That would be wrong. I was already doing a hundred things wrong. I didn’t need to add to the pile. This was good. This was the best thing for both of us.
Annabelle just looked at me before she gave a small nod. The only indication she felt anything was a slight quiver of her lips before she thinned them.
I was an idiot.
“Okay. You said your piece, and I guess it makes sense. I suppose I’ll see you around.” Again, nothing in her voice. Not a single hint of emotion. “I wish you well, Jacob Queen. At least you don’t hate me anymore.” And then she moved past me, not bothering to touch me as she did. All I could do was stand there like a moron, like someone who had just made the biggest mistake of his life.
I wouldn’t take it back. I couldn’t. Because I was barely handling everything as it was. I couldn’t handle any more.
Chapter 19
Annabelle
“Do you know where we put the file?” I asked as Paige walked in, a frown on her face.
“It’s on your desk. And it’s also electronic, so it’s in your inbox, all labeled correctly and tagged. You’re just as anal-retentive as I am when it comes to files. What’s wrong?” my sister asked as she sat across from me.
“I guess I haven’t had enough coffee,” I lied. I’d had four cups already and was a little jittery. But I wasn’t sure what else to say. Nobody needed to know that I had fallen in love with the one person I shouldn’t—the man who had once again broken me beyond measure.
I’d thought that it’d hurt when he hated me and when he had tried to push me out of his family’s lives. But no, I had been wrong. This hurt far more than anything he could have said when he despised me. He’d pushed me away because it was too much. I was that breaking point. I wasn’t enough for him.