Page 78 of From Our First

“No. Once you figure out what the fuck you’re thinking, I might be around. But you’re wrong. If we decide to leave each other now or later, it’s going to hurt no matter what. There’s no hiding from that.”

“Then why were we even together in the first place?”

“I’m starting to question that, too.”

She covered her face with her hands, her whole body shaking. “We fell into this, and it’s moved quickly. Why can’t we simply take some time to breathe and figure out exactly what we’re feeling without all of the mess of hormones, need, and lust?”

“Because feelings don’t work like that, Myra. You can’t all be icy and cold and practical when it comes to emotions.”

She took a step back as if I’d hit her, and I cursed under my breath. “Myra…”

“No, you should go. Because we’re doing what I knew we would. We’re lashing out, and hurting each other. And I want to like you in the end, Nathan. You should go. So I can still like you.”

“Myra. I love you.”

“And I don’t want to lose you.”

“Then why are we already lost?” I asked and then turned on my heel and left.

Chapter 19

Myra

The ideathat I could make a mistake so severe in such a short period of time shouldn’t surprise me. I had done it before, after all. And yet, all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and pretend that I hadn’t pushed away the man I thought I loved. I was so stressed out and worried about what might come that I forgot to look at what was right in front of me. I needed to fix that.

Nate had left the night before, and I had sat in my studio on my little couch, crying until I had nothing left in me. The girls had texted, but I didn’t think they knew anything. Nate wouldn’t have told his brothers—wouldn’t have told anyone. He would have hidden himself away in his house and cuddled Daisy as he tried to deal with his emotions. The idea that I knew so much about him and yet couldn’t trust his feelings or my own shamed me.

I had made a mistake, and I needed to stand up and say that I was sorry. I needed to tell him that I cared for him. Did I love him? That was the problem. I thought I did, and yet it was all tangled up in everything I had felt for him before, and all of that dissolved into a churning emotion that I couldn’t quite name.

I didn’t want to tell him that I loved him only to realize I didn’t. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

But it was cruel for me to throw his love back at him and tell him that he was wrong as I pretended that we could find our way out of the ashes and embers whole.

I should have told him that I needed more time, but I still wanted to be with him. Instead, I’d gotten scared and pushed him away completely. That was what the cold and calculating Myra did. But the warm Myra who had married Nate hadn’t been silly and stupid like that. She had believed in what she felt.

I needed to trust that person again.

I trusted Nate. I didn’t trust myself, however.

I had to make sure he understood that. And so, I would go to him. I would tell him I was sorry about what happened last night and say that I wanted more time. That I never wanted to hurt him.

I hoped like hell he would forgive me.

My phone rang, and I frowned and looked down at the readout.

It was my lawyer. Dread pooled in my belly.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Hello, Ms. West?”

“You can call me Myra.” We had been talking practically daily at this point.

He let out a rough chuckle. He didn’t sound too worried. I had to hope that was a good thing. “I wanted to let you know that the case isn’t going through.”

I frowned, trying to understand what he was saying. “My family dropped the case?” I asked, trying not to hope.

“It seems their lawyer doesn’t want to pursue it. I don’t know all of the circumstances, and I’m going to get them to you as soon as I do know, but they’re not filing any claims. I have a feeling that when they talked to whoever finally looked at what they were dealing with, they decided it would be a lost cause.”

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