Page 48 of From Our First

I put my hand over my heart. “Ouch.” I let out a breath. “I don’t know how you’re ever going to forgive me, or if I even want your forgiveness. Because I don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t need to beat yourself up over it anymore,” Myra said, setting her coffee cup on the counter before pacing the kitchen. “That’s what my parents want. They want us to hate each other. They want me to be put in my place. Even if they’ve pushed me completely out of the family as much as they can, they still want me for certain things. And you being out of my life is probably part of that. Even if it’s deep down.”

I frowned. “I’m going to ask something, and I don’t want you to get angry.”

She froze, her brow rising. “I can’t promise that. Especially when you add a disclaimer.”

“Fine. Did you sleep with me to make your parents angry?” I asked and then groaned.

“Nathan Brady. Seriously?”

“See? It was the stupidest thought. I don’t even know why I said it.”

“No, I didn’t. And I don’t know why I slept with you, which sounds stupid. We had sex. As we were fighting, and sort of figuring out what the hell we were doing, we had sex in your living room or reading room or whatever the hell you want to call it. Against the wall. Without a condom. That was so stupid, Nate. Not only because of the lack of protection, but because of everything else.”

“I know.” I ran my hands over my hair. “I have done many stupid things in my life, Myra. Most of them having to do with you.”

“Ouch,” she said, the look in her eyes teasing.

“You know what I mean.”

“Oddly enough, I do,” she said, picking up her coffee again.

“I took so long to figure out who I was. Somewhere along the way, I lost you. And I will forever be sorry for that. But, here we are. We are so connected, and we can’t change that. Now, we have to figure out how to coexist in this world we created.”

“We shouldn’t have sex again.”

Nate winced. “If you’re going to put it out there like that.”

“Nathan,” she said with a laugh.

I sobered. “I missed you calling me that.”

“You’re not the boy I used to call Nathan.”

“And you’re not the girl I married.” I paused. “And that’s good. We grew apart, yes. But we’re different people now. And given that we know the truth, and everybody knows about our past, I think we should find a way to live with that.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” she agreed. “We need to start over. Have a clean slate where we don’t antagonize one another when we’re in the same room. We’ll figure out exactly who we are to each other within the boundaries we’ve already set in terms of our friendship. We can’t take back what was done, but maybe we can move forward, maturely and responsibly.”

I studied her face and knew she had rehearsed those words.

And thank God for it because I had no idea what to say. “Mature and responsible.”

“Since we are older, we should try that.”

I swallowed hard. “I can do that. I don’t want to be the angry person I was becoming around you. And I don’t want to lament our mistakes. Plus, I don’t want you to leave my life. Even when we hated each other, I liked having you there. Even as it was bad for me.”

“That’s the most twisted thing you’ve ever said,” she said on a laugh. “But the weird thing is, I agree.”

“I’m going to spend the time that we have, making up for what happened,” I added.

She shook her head. “You don’t have to, Nathan.”

I moved forward and touched her face. Her lips parted, and all I wanted to do was lean down and kiss her. But I didn’t.

“I have to. Even if it’s selfish of me, I need to make it up to you.”

“I don’t know if that makes sense.”

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