Page 40 of From Our First

“Hey,” Prior said, acting affronted.

“It’s the truth.” Arden raised a brow.

Prior shrugged. “Okay, true.”

Arden continued. “You also need to apologize more than once and show her that you’re sorry. Don’t use only your words.”

“You’re speaking as if I want her back and not just apologizing to pay penance for the hell I put her through.”

“Don’t you?” she asked.

“No. I’ve never let myself think like that anyway. I’m not the person I was before. And she’s not the woman she was. I don’t know if I want to get past what happened and what we went through. Or if we even can.”

Arden shook her head. “You’ll never know until you get over the first hurdle of trying to find forgiveness. You spent so long not being able to forgive her. I can tell. Now it’s her turn to find some semblance of forgiveness for you.”

“I don’t think I deserve it.”

“And that’s the first step,” my twin agreed. “Acceptance. Now, do what you can. Because she’s a good person. Her parents tried to ruin everything, but you’re both complicit in what happened after and for not speaking to each other.”

“What am I supposed to do if she doesn’t forgive me?” I asked. “Because I need her to know that I’m sorry. I know I hurt her. I understand that.”

“Then tell her that. Show her. And once you get to the other side, figure out what you’re going to do. Because you’re going to be in each other’s lives. What roles you play is up to you. But mostly, it’s up to her.”

I swallowed hard and looked at my family, knowing that they were right. Sadly, I had no idea what I was going to do about it. My brothers tried to help and attempted to give me pointers, but they were as lost as I was.

I’d have to figure this out on my own.

I packed up Daisy in her little car seat and took a to-go container of my dinner since I hadn’t eaten anything. I was too worried about what they were going to say. I got in the car and on the road, thinking that had gone better than expected. Honestly, I had been afraid they might hit me for lying to them for so long.

If anything, they seemed angrier at her parents than me, and I agreed with them. I wanted to lash out at her mom and dad for what they did, too. Yes, they had hurt me, but fuck, they had allowed me to hurtherin every way possible. I would never forgive them for that.

But I didn’t know what to do next.

Did I want to be with her? That was the big question. I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t know if I would ever get that opportunity. I didn’t deserve Myra. I never had. And when I turned my back on her so easily, I had proven that I didn’t deserve her. It didn’t matter that I felt I had a reason given the evidence I had seen. I should have talked to her about it. Instead, I pushed her away. Now, I needed to deal with the consequences.

A penance we had been paying in our own ways for years.

I pulled into my garage, got Daisy out, and took the food into the house. I let my puppy do her business in the yard and then fed her before heating my leftovers.

I pulled out a beer and sighed, wondering what my life would have been like had Myra still been in it. I honestly didn’t want to think too hard about that, though. Because if I did, I knew it would only depress me more.

My doorbell rang, and I frowned, noticing the time. It wasn’t too late, but I figured my family would’ve messaged before they headed over.

I looked at my phone, saw that no one had texted or called, and went to the door. Myra stood on the other side of it. I swallowed hard and looked at the woman I had once loved, a person I didn’t know anymore.

“Hey,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I told the girls. We need to talk.”

I moved out of the way and let my ex-wife into my house, shutting the door behind us.

Wedidneed to talk.

Only I was afraid of what we’d say.

Chapter 10

Myra

I had beenin Nate’s home before, but now I had a chance to look at everything closer, even if I was distracted. The place was so…Nathan. Or at least the guy I had grown to know over the past year, layered on top of the boy I’d once known. Every room had a large, comfortable chair. There were places to sit and mingle, and areas to read. Nathan had always loved reading. There was a large TV, the same kind that most men seemed to have, but a lot of the furniture was turned towards it in the family area, and there appeared to be another room to sit and talk and perhaps read a book. It looked wonderful, as if it were inviting me to sit down and enjoy.

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