Page 34 of From Our First

“I don’t know if I care,” she said, then she paused. “I think I need to tell the girls.”

I swallowed hard. “I think you do. You need to talk to someone, and I know it can’t be me.”

“No, Nathan. I don’t think it can ever be you.”

The metaphorical knife twisted in my chest, but I deserved it. I looked at her then, at the tears on her cheeks, at the fact that she looked as if she couldn’t breathe.

And I walked away.

Again.

Chapter 8

Myra

Four days later,I still wasn’t sure that I was making the right decision. It was the only choice I could make, but lack of sleep and too much caffeine had sent me into overdrive with poor decision-making skills. I was usually better than this, but then again, maybe I wasn’t. If I had been good at making the correct choices, at laying out my options and doing what I needed to do, I wouldn’t be in this situation. But now, here I was, in my car on my way to Hazel’s to tell my friends that I had been keeping a dramatic secret from them for as long as I had known them. And in Hazel’s case, that was quite a long time.

Not only was it a deep secret that could be construed as a lie in some cases, but it also involved someone we all knew, and had a layered history that I was only now becoming aware of. I wouldn’t be surprised if my friends hated me forever given what they were about to learn, but I would find a way to make everything right.

I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel. “Or, they’ll drop everything and help me make things better, and I’ll run away because I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.” I sighed. Great, now I was talking to myself and trying to lie and say that everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t.

I sat at the stop sign two blocks from Hazel’s house and knew I needed to get this over with. The sooner I did it, the better for everybody. It didn’t make it any easier, though. I looked both ways and made my way across the intersection. A horn blared, and I slammed on my brakes, skidding as a passing car nearly hit me. It must have run the stop sign, and my heart raced, my palms going clammy, my ears ringing.

“Breathe, breathe. You’re fine.”

I pulled over to the side of the road and looked for the other car, only I didn’t see it. I vaguely remembered seeing a dark vehicle out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t remember what make or model it was or exactly what had happened. Since I hadn’t hit them and they hadn’t hit me, I guessed it didn’t matter in the end.

The other vehicle had been inches from me. If I hadn’t slammed on my brakes, something I probably shouldn’t have done in the first place, I could’ve been hit. And considering that it had been coming at my driver’s side door, I probably would’ve died. Even with me going twenty miles an hour. The person in the other car had definitely been speeding.

I swallowed hard, bile filling my throat.

“Oh my God,” I said, my hands shaking. “This isn’t a sign. It totally isn’t a sign.”

I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself. The guy had just run a stop sign. The whole thing had only scared me a bit. But whoever it was had driven away, seemingly not caring at all, even though it had been their fault. Would they have even stopped if they had hit me?

If they had been forced to stop because of the collision, sure. Still, it freaked me out. I didn’t like the idea that I had nearly died, and no one was around to witness it.

I shook my head, pushing those thoughts from my brain. Just because I was nervous about what was about to happen didn’t mean I had to be so melancholic. I had people who cared about me. Friends. Family I had made. Simply because most of my relatives seemed to be horrible didn’t mean that I didn’t have people who cared for and about me.

And I was going to see three of them now. I really hoped my friendscontinuedto care about me once they learned my secret.

I pulled out onto the road again, made another turn, and parked in front of Hazel’s home. The girls were already here. I was the last to arrive, something I had done on purpose. Not to make an entrance as Paris might have jokingly accused, but because I needed time to plan.

I reached over to the passenger side seat and picked up my purse and the two bottles of wine that thankfully hadn’t moved since I had secured them tightly. If I hadn’t, they would have ended up splattered all over my dashboard when I slammed on my brakes. I always protected my wine, even if it was only a joke between my friends. But now I could only think about what else could have been smashed if that car had actually hit me.

I shook my head, telling myself that I was only focusing on that as a distraction from what I needed to tell my friends. I got out of the car and made my way to Hazel’s front stoop. She opened the door before I even had a chance to reach the front step and smiled at me.

I only hoped she would continue smiling once she heard the truth.

“Hey there. I was about to send out the cavalry because you weren’t here yet.” I held up the bottle of wine.

“Are you sure you weren’t missing our day wine?” I asked, keeping my tone light.

“That too.” She smiled again, then hugged me tightly and took the bottles. As she pulled away, her eyes narrowed on my face. “What happened?”

I opened my mouth to say something and then promptly burst into tears.

I didn’t know who was more shocked, Hazel or me. She pulled me into the house, closing the door tightly behind me.

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