Page 42 of From Our First

I let out a shuddering breath and looked down at my hands. “I don’t know what to do with this. What are we supposed to do?”

“Come into the living room. Let’s talk.”

“You’re right. We do need to talk.”

I followed him to the living room, wondering how I was supposed to speak when he was so close. That had always been my problem. He filled my brain with this white noise that reminded me of the past. When we were younger, that same thrum had filled me, though it had nothing to do with anger and everything to do with him. I had fallen hard, and far too fast. And there had been no going back. And now, we were in completely different stages of our lives. What were we supposed to do?

As we entered the room, I noticed the beer and ribs and side dishes on the coffee table.

“You were eating.”

He looked down at the plate and shrugged. “I was going to try. I went over to Arden’s after I invited the family there—”

That made me snort. “You invited everyone to Arden’s?”

“I like her house. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to tell them everything if I was sitting in my own home, stressing out.”

“I went over to Hazel’s place.”

“So, we needed to get away from home to share the news.”

I nodded and took a deep breath. “I told the others.”

He paused, studying my face. I didn’t know what he saw there, as I didn’t know what I felt. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t think that’s the right question to ask,” I answered honestly.

“What did the girls say?” he asked.

“They weren’t upset. I thought they might disown me or something.”

“I thought that was going to be my line regarding my siblings,” he said, relief in his tone.

“They don’t hate us?” I asked, afraid of what the answer would be.

Confusion spread over his face, and he shook his head. “They could never hate you, Myra. I don’t think they quite understand why we kept it a secret, though.”

“I’m not sure I do either, at least not back then.”

He nodded. “We were young and stupid.”

“Being young and stupid can’t be an excuse for everything. But I can use it for now.”

He swallowed hard, and I watched his throat work. I did my best not to think about it. It was so hard to do when he was right there. Everything was different now. And I hated that I knew I could fall again if I weren’t careful. Because this was Nate. It had always been Nate.

“My family just told me I needed to clean up my mess. And not fuck up again. They’re on your side in this.” He paused. “Not that there are sides. Because there shouldn’t be.” He moved forward. I froze, but I didn’t step back. When he reached out and cupped my cheek, I wondered if I should move away. If I should run.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You already said that,” I said icily. Ice was my only defense against him. It always had been.

“Arden told me I needed to make sure you understood that I was sorry. But that I should show you and not simply tell you. I’m trying to figure out exactly what that means and how to do it.”

“I don’t know what it means either.” A pause. “Nate. You believed my parents. You mentioned photos before, but I didn’t know what you meant. But you believed them. In my mind, you believed them too easily.”

“I shouldn’t have.”

“I don’t know. If I had seen photos of you with another woman, I might’ve believed the lies, too.” I let out a breath. “You have to understand, though. My parents did their best to always tell me what I should do. They put me on my college track, and when I tried to defy them and go to a different school, they ensured that I declared for the major they insisted upon.”

---