Page 70 of Shameless With Him

I needed to slow things down. Needed to figure out exactly how to get that done.

“Go,” I growled, and she smiled and then hopped right out, her bag in hand.

We didn’t keep anything at each other’s homes. We didn’t think we were there yet, or maybe we were, and she sensed that I wasn’t ready. We hadn’t called each other boyfriend or girlfriend or added any other labels. Which was good. I sure as hell didn’t want them.

I needed to figure out my own shit, and then maybe I could figure out Zoey.

Hell, I just didn’t know. We’d been together in some fashion for what? Months at this point. Jesus Christ. How had that even happened? It had been almost a full season already, and we were doing really good about not putting any form of label on what we had.

I was a jerk. I wasn’t treating her right. I knew that. Only I was still waiting to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. Endless tests had come up with nothing. And I felt like I couldn’t make any other decisions until I knew what was going on. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was just a roadblock in my mind, but it was my mind, the decision I had already made. So, I was going to stick with it. After I’d jumped into the shower, trying to make it quick, my head started to pound.

I staggered out of the stall and to the toilet and threw up everything in my stomach. It wasn’t much since I hadn’t even had coffee yet. I sat there, pulling a towel under me and drip-dried as I tried to breathe.

Jesus. If that wasn’t an omen, I didn’t know what was.

I tried to get my head to stop pounding for a little bit longer, and then I grabbed my phone to text Devin. My eyes hurt, and I narrowed them, hoping I was texting well enough that the words would make sense, at least with autocorrect.

Me:Can you drive me to my doctor’s appointment?

Devin: When is it?

Me: In about an hour.

Devin:I’m on my way. Need anything?

I needed answers. I needed to know what the fuck to do about the woman that I was falling for. The one I shouldn’t fall for. I needed so many damn things that weren’t available right now that I knew I was probably going to mess everything up as soon as I took the next step.

Instead, I told Devin no and got dressed as quickly as I could. I was just grabbing my wallet and keys when Devin unlocked the door and walked in without even knocking.

“Good, you’re standing.”

“I’m glad that you didn’t bother to knock,” I said, trying to smile. My right eye was pulsating, and I was having trouble seeing.

Great, another fucking migraine.

“Seeing as the three of you rarely use the doorbell before you just walk into my house, I don’t feel bad. Plus, I was worried. Sue me.”

“I’m not angry. I’m glad you came in. The sound of the doorbell or a knock may actually set me on edge.” I put on my sunglasses even though I was inside, the light starting to hurt my eyes.

“Another migraine?” Devin asked, his voice low.

“No surprise there. But, hell, at least my doctor, if I ever actually get to see the man, will see me in a full-blown migraine.”

“What do you mean?”

“I rarely see him. He shows up for like two minutes to prescribe some tests, but I’m always with the nurses or the PA. I’m not actually with the doctor, who’s supposed to diagnose me.” I didn’t know if that was how it was supposed to be done. I had been healthy for all of my life, so having to actually see a doctor who wasn’t just a general practitioner was new for me. I was out of my depth here, and I felt like I was drowning.

“I fucking hate our healthcare system.” Devin shook his head.

“Don’t even get me started.”

“It sucks ass. I know Tucker is dealing with a bunch of things with Evan, too.”

“Hell, how is Evan?” Tucker’s son was in remission thanks to a bone marrow transplant as well as every other procedure the kid had been put through, but things were still scary.

“Doing okay, but there was an insurance issue, so Evan is stuck in the hospital overnight rather than getting sent home because he won’t be able to get the right meds unless he’s in the hospital. Tucker’s staying with him while the parents get some sleep. But I think they’re all exhausted at this point.”

“Jesus. I thought Evan was doing better.”

---