Page 31 of Shameless With Him

She shook her head. “No, you never have. You’re always very aware of that. Because you’ve always been my friend. However, even if you’re not going to go see Joey tonight, and I believe you because you’re not that guy, you should still tell her that. Closure. You know?”

“I do. It just feels weird.”

“Weird to close something?”

“No, weird to text another woman after having my mouth on yours.”

“Well, there’s nothing usual about us, is there?”

“No, I guess you’re right.”

“Thanks for tonight, Caleb. Dinner and plans.” She paused. “And that kiss. Because it would be rude not to thank you for that, too.”

I wanted to lower my head and kiss her again, but I didn’t. I held back. Mostly because I didn’t know if I should. After all, I had been the one telling myself not an hour before that this couldn’t go anywhere. And here I was, kissing her and wanting more. I just didn’t know if I had more to give. Not with everything else going on.

Even as I thought that, my head pounded, and I knew if I weren’t careful, it would be past the point of safe driving. So, I gave her a tight nod and slid my fingers over her cheek, mostly because I couldn’t not touch her just then.

“I’ll see you soon, Zoey,” I whispered.

“Yeah, wedding planning.”

“And more. Because I’m not going to forget that kiss.”

“Caleb, I honestly don’t think I could.” She smiled then, and I winked at her before walking out to my car.

My head pulsed, and bile surged up my throat. I knew I didn’t have much time until I had to be home with the lights off. I wanted to think about Zoey, I wanted to text her and flirt and do all the things a normal guy would do. I just didn’t have that option. Not with a migraine coming. A headache that could possibly be more.

Jesus, I was scared enough thinking that maybe the kiss had been another hallucination. Not that I’d had one beyond that first and only time, but I’d had one in Alaska, and it had scared me enough that I quit my job and changed my entire career.

Doctors couldn’t find a single damn thing wrong with me, and I think that scared me more than anything.

I made my way home and threw up on the tile floor in my foyer. I cursed, crawled to the kitchen so I could get my cleaning supplies, only the scents and motions made me throw up again.

Jesus.

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t do this alone. All thoughts of Zoey fled, mostly because I knew if I wanted to think about her, I would just screw things up even more.

So, I got out my phone and called my big brother. I needed him. My body hurt, and I needed my big brother. I wasn’t paying attention when I called, so Dimitri was the one who answered, not the one closer in terms of geography.

“Hey.” I wasn’t even sure I was speaking aloud at this point.

“Caleb? What’s wrong.”

“Can you come over?” My voice sounded like I had swallowed marbles, and I coughed. “Need some help.”

“Thea and I were just leaving Devin’s after dinner. We’re actually pretty close. Need me to bring Devin over?”

“You need us to call 9-1-1?” Thea asked, and I could tell that they were using the Bluetooth in their car.

“No, just need you. Use your key.”

And then I hung up, closed my eyes, and used the coolness of the tile floor against my cheek to slow my breathing.

“Oh, fuck,” I heard Dimitri say as he walked in. I hadn’t even realized any time had passed. Shit.

“I’ll start cleaning. Do I need to call 9-1-1? I will right now.” Thea asked.

“Is the vomit going to make Thea throw up, too?” I asked, my voice drowsy.

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