Page 34 of Shameless With Him

Chapter 7

Zoey

Day ninety-four of no plan.Perhaps not that many days, but the lack of strategy was still evident, nonetheless. I didn’t understand why this was so hard. I enjoyed planning. I liked making lists and schedules. The idea that I couldn’t do such a thing when it came to my feelings for Caleb perplexed me.

In reality, it shouldn’t have been so difficult. There had to be some form of feelings on his side of the equation. After all, the one moment on my mind for the past few days had been that kiss.

He’d kissed me.

Me.

How had that happened?

I knew exactly how it had happened. He had leaned down, taken my lips, and probably just like every other girl he’d ever kissed before in his life, he had been all in. And I had tried to keep up. Apparently, that was my lot in life. Trying to keep up with Caleb Carr. I just didn’t know what to do. I had it in my head that I was going to make him fall for me, but now that he’d kissed me? I didn’t know if I was really making the right decision. What if I was going all in too quickly and messing things up?

What if he fell for me just a little bit, and then I ruined it all?

I pushed those thoughts from my mind and knew I was worrying over what could be nothing. After all, it was only a kiss. I still needed to formulate that plan.

A scheme that might make everything worse in the end. But I would make one. Mostly because I had to. I really, really had to. I couldn’t stand by and watch my life pass me by any longer. I couldn’t be forever the bridesmaid in an ocean of weddings—no matter that the weddings were a new part of my life.

I couldn’t merely be the florist who failed at love. Not any longer.

I looked at myself in the mirror, tucked my light hair behind my ears, and nodded.

I deserve love.

“I deserve love.” I said the words aloud.

If not love, then maybe at least liking. Because if I hid under all of my feelings and anxieties and worries for too much longer, then I wouldn’t be the Zoey that I needed to be.

I didn’t have to repeat those words, they were my mantra. However, I did need to breathe. I had had a crush on Caleb for so long that I’d almost forgotten what it was like not to feel that way about him.

And having those feelings inside me when I was trying to act like a normal person wasn’t healthy. So, I was going to be myself and try to show Caleb what he was missing.

I just needed to get over the fact that there were probably going to be a lot of women in his life. A lot of them. Even though they all seemed amazing and were great friends with him still—or at least perfectly fine acquaintances—I had to get used to the fact that they would be coming out of the woodwork for the rest of my life, even if we remained only friends.

My phone buzzed, and I looked down at it and held back a groan.

Lacey:Where are you? You’re late.

I frowned.

Me:I’m not late. You said I had to be there in an hour.

I had worked late, into the wee hours of the morning, finishing up some bouquets for a wedding, and my head hurt from lack of sleep. No amount of coffee and then later green tea kept me fully functional for the rest of the day. It hadn’t helped that I’d had a daydream and full-on dream about Caleb over and over again.

“Why am I like this?” I muttered and grabbed my bag. I had been planning to get something to eat, but as my phone buzzed again, and I knew it was Lacey, I figured a protein bar and a diet soda was going to be my lunch.

Perfect.

Lacey:No, I changed it. Didn’t you look on the calendar? I made an alert.

I crossed my eyes, took out the tablet, and looked at the planning software my sister had uploaded onto the calendar and apps. Indeed, there was an alert, but it hadn’t sent a notification because I wasn’t insane, and I didn’t allow notifications on any of my apps other than for voicemails or texts.

Lacey wouldn’t be happy with that, though, so I wasn’t going to mention it to her.

Me:I’m heading out soon. I’ll be there.

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