Page 74 of Breathless With Her

I nodded.

“You didn’t tell me. You didn’t tell any of us, Erin. Why didn’t you?”

“I told Jenn. She didn’t want to go. She said that she was done with that part of her life. She said that he left us, and she wanted nothing to do with it or him. But I had to know. I had to know why. Well, it was wrong. I made a mistake. Something I’m apparently good at.”

“Oh, God, what happened?”

“I went there. He lives in Fort Collins.”

“You’re serious.”

“Yep. He was there, presumably with his wife since he mentioned her being at the house in passing. And he has at least one son. A teenager named Con. I think he’s around fourteen. And he loves his dad. He was polite, sweet, and he wanted to know why the nice lady on the porch was acting so funny. And Frank Rose put his hand on Con’s shoulder, gave it a squeeze, and called himson. And said that his mom needed him in the back. So, yeah, my dad, my deadbeat father, who didn’t want us and ran away, has a happy family. With a white picket fence. A fucking white picket fence. How does that even exist? I thought that was only in the fifties.”

“They’re starting to make a comeback in some developments. But that’s really not the important thing. Oh my God, I’m so sorry, babe.”

“Yeah, I am, too. I shouldn’t have gone. I should have just let myself continue thinking that he was in witness protection or in jail or dead. Something that wasn’t him having a perfect life that had nothing to do with the first family he’d forgotten. I’ve become a statistic, Zoey. A fucking statistic. And I got so weird about it that I couldn’t even drive home. So, I called Devin to come and get me.”

Zoey’s eyes widened. “And he came. Just like that. No questions, no explanations?”

“He didn’t need any. He came right to me and made sure I was safe. And then he held me all night. I didn’t cry but thought I would. Thought I could. We even kept our clothes on. No sex. We were only supposed to be friends who had sex. I wasn’t supposed to rely on him. Want him. Need him as much as I did.”

“Did?”

“Do? It doesn’t matter, does it? I ruined it. I ruined it because I was scared. And I can see it. I could see the wrong decisions that I made in my head as if I were an outsider. And I just wanted to shake myself. But I couldn’t, and I can’t go back. You can’t go back when you hurt someone like that.”

“You didn’t cheat. There’re other ways you can go back. He’ll forgive you.”

“I don’t deserve it. I told him that it was nice, and that we were done. And then he asked me point blank if it was for another man. I knew it was just a slip of the tongue because he got stressed out, he even apologized after he said it, but for some reason, I figured that, sure…why not tell him that? It’d be easier to let him walk away. Not get hurt. But it was stupid. And it makes no damn sense. So, yeah, he walked away after telling me that I hurt him and that he was done. So, I guess it’s over. Because I’m stupid.”

“Babe. You’re not stupid. You just made some stupid decisions. But you kind of are a fool.”

My eyes widened, and I blinked away the tears. “A fool. I’m not stupid, but I’m a fool?”

“Well, I didn’t like you constantly putting yourself down just then. But you really are a fool.”

“Thank you. This is helping.”

“Oh, shut up. Devin’s so good for you. And you’re good for him. I don’t know why you had it in your head that it had to be short-term and just for fun. Devin’s worth more than that, and so are you.”

“I had long-term, and Nicholas spat on it. Actually, he fucked the head cheerleader while doing coke off her chest. I’m pretty sure I’m done with trying to be full-time. And being in a real relationship. I wasn’t very good at it. I couldn’t keep Nicholas.”

“No. You didn’t. But that’s on Nicholas. Not you. He’s an asshole. He always wanted more, and he used you to get it. That’s just the way it was. It wasn’t only him doing that woman in the bathroom. He always treated you like a second-class citizen. But you were getting better. You were finding yourself and becoming independent.”

“So much for being independent. I kept having to rely on everyone else just to get things done.”

“In emergencies, and because we love you. Being independent means you don’t have to rely on somebody, but you can. Or something like that. I don’t know. All I know is that you have good friends that love you. So, we’re going to be there for you. Just like you would be there for us. Just like you have been there for us. I don’t like that you can’t see that. Do you understand that when things are going wonky at my store, you come right over and help? That when Mrs. Murphy needs something, you’re right there. You just don’t see that, and I hate that for you. And as for Devin? Just because you weren’t looking for something, doesn’t mean it wasn’t supposed to be there. You need to fix this. Talk to him.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Start with you’re sorry. And tell him what you feel.”

“I don’t know what I feel. I’ve been telling myself for so long that I shouldn’t feel anything when it comes to him, that I just can’t figure it out.”

“Then do so. Figure out exactly what he means to you. That way, when you talk to him, you don’t hurt each other more. Because he’s great for you. Just like you’re great for him. But get it done. Fix this. Okay? I want to see you guys live happily ever after and have all the amazing love and happiness and sex and all the stuff that you enjoy.”

“Did you just say you want to watch me having sex?” I asked with a laugh, still shaking a bit.

“Well, I’m not really good with the words. But I want you to have a life that you deserve. And don’t tell me you deserve anything less than pure happiness. Because you deserve everything. You’re my best friend. And Amelia is too, but she’s not here at the moment, so I’m just going to call you it.”

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