Page 36 of Breathless With Her

Nicholas was always in a hurry. Unless others were waiting for him, then he took his time. But when it was his time, everyone had to move fast for him. I hadn’t minded when we were younger because I had liked to move quickly, and things had made sense.

In retrospect, nothing had made sense. But there was nothing I could do about it now.

I took my time opening the door, maybe a little passive-aggressively, but this was my house. And I would not let Nicholas ruin this space with his energy. In fact, he didn’t even have to walk in the door. And I was going to make sure he knew that. I had reminded him of that on the phone, and he had been short and terse with me. He would just have to deal. I didn’t know when he had fallen out of love with me. I didn’t know when he had turned into the person he was today. But I didn’t want anything to do with him. Not anymore.

I opened the door and held back a grin as his hand stalled up in the air, probably readied to knock again, this time a little harder most likely. Maybe he would have even shouted my name. That would have been great for the neighbors. “Erin!” That loud voice of his would have carried to the neighbors’, and I would have had to deal with it later. Yay. He really just needed to leave. Maybe I should have given all of his stuff to Goodwill.

“It’s about time. Why the hell did you keep us waiting?”

“Hello, Nicholas.” I tried to smile, attempted to be peaceful, but then I realized that he had just said the wordus. I turned to the left ever so slightly and did my best to keep the smile on my face. I would not be the bitter ex-wife. I would not become the person he wanted me to be. I would be the ErinIwanted to be. The woman I needed to be. “Hello, Becca.”

He had brought the cocaine-laden ex-cheerleader.

When had my life become a cliché? I wasn’t sure. But it was probably when Becca had shown up in it.

No, I would not blame her. Not her alone anyway. Nicholas had been the one to dip his dick in something he shouldn’t have. He was the one who’d failed us. Maybe some of the responsibility was mine, but the pain I felt was all on him.

Though I refused to become bitter because of it.

“Seriously, Erin. I don’t know why you have to be this way. Come on now.” Nicholas tried to shoulder past me, but I stood my ground. Just folded my arms over my chest and stayed in the way of the door. “Your stuff’s in the garage, Nicky. You don’t need to come inside.”

I hadn’t even realized that I had let the wordNickypast my lips until I saw his eyes narrow. His cheeks went ruddy, and his jaw tightened.

Nicky. Exactly what Devin had called him. Maybe it was a little petty of me, but I couldn’t help it. He had brought Becca to my home. A place he had never shared with me. It made absolutely no sense other than for the fact that he wanted to rub her in my face. Frankly, the thought made me shudder. I didn’t want her rubbing anything on me. At all. So…no. I really didn’t want him in my space. I just wanted him gone. And I wanted to talk to Devin.

I quickly quashed that thought. I had been with Devin one night. I had gone on exactly one date, and I had initially met him again by humiliating myself in front of him. There was no way I would rely on him like that. I needed to depend on myself. I couldn’t put my faith in anyone else.

“What the hell did you just call me?” Nicholas asked through gritted teeth.

“Your stuff’s in the garage.” I wasn’t going to touch on his name. I hadn’t meant to call him that. I didn’t want to be that person. It had just slipped out. I’d always thought it was weird that he liked being called Nicholas and hated being called anything else. But it was his name, and I wasn’t going to be rude or annoying about it. I needed to be the bigger person. I hoped. Maybe.

“You’re not even going to let us inside?” he asked.

“That’s what she said,” Becca said, looking down at her phone. “Just get your shit and let’s go. I don’t even know why I had to come here. She shouldn’t even have your stuff anyway. I mean, who wants to live in this hell-hole?” She rolled her eyes, looking much like she had when she was eighteen and not like a woman who was now in her twenties. It was exhausting.

“When did we become a cliché, Nicholas?” See, I’d gotten the name right that time. I was not going down that road. But I really hadn’t wanted to ask that question. It just slipped out. I just wanted him off my property, and out of my face. And, maybe, even out of my life entirely. But while Denver might be a big city, it still felt like a small town sometimes. I couldn’t avoid him forever unless I moved. And there was no way I was doing that.

“A cliché? You want to talk about clichés? You’re the cliché. You were always a frigid bitch. Why do you think we’re divorced?”

“Excuse me?” I asked, my voice frosty. Huh, I guess Iwasfrigid.

“You heard me. You were always a little nothing. You never wanted to be at my level. That’s why I had to look elsewhere. You didn’t see the big picture. You just wanted to go home and bake and be a fat-ass in the kitchen. Whatever. I had plans. Things that didn’t include you. But you had to get all uptight and be a bitch about it. Because of that, you took half of everything. Everything that was mine. I worked my life for this, and you just took it all. So, yeah, I’m getting my fucking shit out of your garage, and it’s all because of you. You’re the one who did this.”

I didn’t actually think the phraseseeing redwas real. But it was like a haze had moved over my eyes. I couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened. This wasn’t the man I married. This was not the guy I had loved for so many years of my life. This was not the man who was my only love.

What the hell had happened to him?

Maybe that line of coke had fucked him up. Or perhaps he was always this bad deep down. Maybe losing his job and losing so much outside of that had done this. I didn’t know. But I knew I didn’t want any part of it.

“How did this happen?” I asked in a whisper. Damn it. I was exhausted. I had to stop letting my thoughts out like that.

“Maybe if you hadn’t put so many expectations on me, it wouldn’t have been an issue.” He spat out the words, and I involuntarily took a step back. “Perhaps if you had realized I wasn’t the ten-year-old you met on the bus, this wouldn’t be a problem. But, whatever. Becca and I are going to get married. And I’m going to finally get what I deserve. You do you, Erin.”

“Oh,” I whispered. Trying to swallow hard. I had put expectations on him? Like having a job? No, I wasn’t going to say that out loud. I wasn’t going to extend this. I couldn’t prolong this. I just didn’t understand what had happened. I did not know this man in front of me. Becca seemed completely disinterested, but I didn’t care about her. They were going to get married? Fine. Maybe he could finally find what he wanted. Because, apparently, I wasn’t it. Evidently, I had never been it.

I closed the door behind me and pushed past them so I could walk across my yard to the garage. I could have gone through the side, but I unlocked it instead and pressed a few buttons so the garage door opened. My car was inside, and his boxes were off to the side, taking up far too much space. “There they are. I have a dolly too, but I’m going to need that back if you use it.”

“I don’t really give a shit.” Nicholas pushed past me, and Becca trotted along, her attention focused on her phone.

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