Page 46 of Fallen Ink

She had told him she loved him, and he hadn’t said a damn thing. He hadn’t even known what to think until she was out of the door and his synapses had finally started firing again. He couldn’t believe she had bared herself to him like that as he was pushing her away and thinking to protect his family. Only he wasn’t protecting Daisy. Not really. Addi hadn’t done a single thing to earn the distrust he had for their relationship in general. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. Because God knew he did. More than anything. It was that he wanted to put her into the role of the woman in Daisy’s life, and suddenly, he didn’t know what to do. But that wasn’t on her. It was on him, and what Daisy’s mother had done.

Because he’d been so afraid of hurting his daughter again, he’d hurt the one person he was supposed to care for more than anything. The two of them had been through so much in their lives, and he had spent most of his adult life with her at his side, knowing he could rely on her for anything. They weren’t just friends. They were best friends. And those weren’t just words or titles.

And as soon as he’d kissed her, as soon as he’d made love to her on her bathroom counter, he hadn’t been just her friend any longer. If he had made that promise to never to hurt her as a friend, then he should have damn well made sure to make that promise when they were something more.

He needed to go to her. He needed to grovel and beg for her to take him back. Because as much as she had said that she would be waiting for him, he didn’t know if that would actually be the case. And it wasn’t because he didn’t trust her words. It was because he wouldn’t blame her for walking away from something she couldn’t trust.

His parents were coming over later to hang with Daisy as he went out and ran errands, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t just be going grocery shopping. He knew Adrienne was off that morning before she headed in for a later-than-usual appointment. He was supposed to be working, but Ryan had taken his shift so he could spend some more time with Daisy. He would be forever grateful for his friends, but right now, what he needed to do was figure out what he was going to say to the one woman he cared for more than anything. Maybe that was what he needed to start with. Because she’d said she loved him, and he hadn’t said anything back.

Did he love her?

He’d loved her as a friend for ages, but he knew that wasn’t the same thing, and nothing like what she had revealed to him while standing in his living room.

The thing was, though, he could see her in his life for more than just a passing moment. He could see her in his daughter’s life for the same.

Why couldn’t he just say the words? He’d never said them to another person who wasn’t in his family, but no one ever mattered that much. Addi had always meant more. She’d always been in his life. She’d always been everything to him. Others had questioned if they could handle each other as just friends with no sexual chemistry and, apparently, there was a slow burn.

When they had been with other people, he knew there hadn’t been that connection that they had now. He hadn’t felt longing from her, and knew he hadn’t felt for her the way he did now when she was with her ex. So maybe time could change feelings.

And as he closed his eyes and tried to think about what his life would be like without her, he couldn’t even comprehend it. Because she was ingrained in every aspect of his life and his heart.

“Fuck. I love her.”

He was more than an idiot. He was a deadbeat who deserved more than the lashing he might get when he saw her again. Because he loved her, and he had let her walk out because he was scared. It didn’t matter that someone else had scarred him. Addi didn’t, and he should have known to trust his feelings when it came to her and not let anything else cloud his thoughts.

And he shouldn’t be standing in the middle of his bedroom wearing only his boxer briefs, thinking all of this to himself instead of saying it to her. Because no matter what he thought to himself, unless he gained the courage to say it to her face, it didn’t matter. She was the one who’d said it to him first. She had balls of steel, more than he could ever hope to have.

He needed to see her.

He needed her.

It was that simple.

Though nothing was that simple.

He quickly dressed and saw that his parents had arrived to take care of Daisy. He knew he needed to talk to them and his daughter about what might happen, but for now, he needed to focus on Addi. Daisy would always come first for him, but that didn’t mean Addi couldn’t come in a close second.

His parents gave him curious looks as he practically ran out of the house and to his truck. He didn’t know if his best friend was at home, but he figured she would be since she tended to clean when she wasn’t feeling up to doing anything but thinking.

Her car wasn’t in the driveway when he pulled in, but of course, she could’ve been parked in the garage like usual. He shut off his engine and took a deep breath, his mind blanking as to what the hell he was going to say to her. He had never been good with words. Never had to be. He’d always put what he felt into his art and how he took care of others around him. He sure as hell hadn’t taken care of Addi when he should have, and now he needed to grovel.

If Addi wanted to kick his ass, he would let her. He still hadn’t even taken her out in public for a damn date yet because she had been so understanding about how much time he wanted to spend with Daisy. They’d had over a month of hot nights, quick and secret hideaways, and times where they were just together as if it had been the normal thing to do all along.

He was a bastard, and if Adrienne took him back, he would do everything in his power to make sure he was worthy of the love she had so freely given him. And once again, he needed to stop saying this to himself and say it to her. She deserved dates and flowers and grand gestures.

And that was just what she would get today.

He got out of his truck and closed the door behind him. He rang the doorbell and prayed she was inside, then went to his knees. If he was going to grovel, he planned to do it right.

She opened the door and frowned as she looked down. “What are you doing, Mace?”

“I didn’t have any jagged glass handy. But if you need me to kneel on that glass in front of you, I will. It’ll hurt, but I deserve far more agony than just kneeling on my knees on your porch.”

“Mace.”

“I’m so damn sorry, Addi. I told you over and over again that you were my best friend and that no matter what, I didn’t want to hurt you. And that’s the one thing I did…thinking I could protect what I had, I hurt you. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve the words I said that cut you like I’m sure they did. I’m so sorry I hurt you. You said you loved me, and I let you walk out of my house. I do trust you. I trust you with everything that I am and everything that I have. I trust you with my daughter’s life, and I trust you with my life. I shouldn’t have put my insecurities on your shoulders. I shouldn’t have let what happened with Jeaniene somehow reflect on you. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved me telling you exactly what I felt instead of what I was scared of. And I shouldn’t have waited so long to come to your door and ask you to take me back.”

Tears were falling down her cheeks at this point, and he couldn’t help but stand up so he could reach her and wipe them from her face.