Page 53 of Passion Restored

12

“You’re a damn mess,” Tessa proclaimed as she walked into Liz’s room. “A fucking mess, who needs to get her head on straight.”

Liz glared at Tessa’s reflection in the mirror. “Nice words coming from you.” She winced at how hard she sounded. She shouldn’t be attacking Tessa at all. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I know you don’t mean it. I’m the easiest person to lash out at when you’re scared, and I have thick skin. Plus, I do the same to you. That’s why we’re friends.”

“I need to get ready for work, Tessa. I took yesterday off to throw up for hours, but now I can’t take any more time off. They’re announcing the budget and the ramifications today, and I can’t be late, nor can I just not show up because I’m freaking out.”

Tessa ran her hand down her pencil skirt and shook her head. “You shouldn’t have anything to worry about since you’re the best nurse they have.”

“Well, I’m also the one who hasn’t sucked up enough. Everyone else seems to have someone they can kiss up to. I don’t have anyone like that.”

“Because you focus on your patients and the work that goes with the job.”

Liz’s body felt like she’d run a marathon, her muscles ached, and not just because of the pregnancy. She’d been working far harder than usual with everything going on, and her body was starting to feel it more and more.

“It’s exhausting, Tessa,” she said softly. “I’m just so sick of it all.”

Tessa met Liz’s eyes in the mirror again. “Then what are you going to do about it?”

Liz studied her friend’s face again before shaking her head. “I don’t know. Keep working, I guess. It’s what I’m good at.”

Tessa pressed her lips together, folding her arms over her crisp blouse. “And Owen? What are you going to do about him? Because, frankly, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and I hate that you keep running away from him. You guys are going to have a freaking baby, and he’s not here because he’s doing as you asked and giving you space. I give him props for staying away as long as he has so far. Because, hell, those Gallaghers don’t like to be pushed around.”

Just the sound of Owen’s name made Liz’s pulse race, but she wasn’t sure if it was because she still wanted him by her side or that she was ashamed of how she’d acted. She hated that she’d said the things she did and had put that fear into his eyes about the baby. She just wasn’t good at dealing with things and ended up harming more than she wanted to.

Just like her mother.

“I don’t know what I’m doing there either,” she admitted. “But I can’t do everything at once, damn it. Let me get through today and whatever the job entails before I figure out the rest.”

“First, doing things in order like that never works out for you. It’s all layered and connected and gets in the way of things. Second, you can’t keep blaming yourself for what your mother did. You are not your mother, and you know this. You know this. So stop getting on that one-way track where you end up circling back to thinking that everything you do means you’re going to break like she did.”

“I don’t know what else do to,” Liz said after a moment. “It’s all I know.”

“That’s a silly answer,” Tessa snapped. “Grow up and be your own person, because you’re growing a damn person, and I want to be fun aunt Tessa. So don’t fuck this up. Owen needs you. Just as much as you need him.”

And with that, Tessa stomped away, muttering under her breath and leaving Liz once again alone with her vicious thoughts. She needed to get to work and just get this over with, but her mind kept going back to Owen.

What was she going to do?

With every passing thought, every passing moment, the idea that she was going to have a baby became more and more real. And that scared her.

Plenty of women were terrified at the thought of having a baby the first few weeks after they found out they were pregnant, so she was not alone in thinking the way she was, but it still shamed her that she couldn’t just jump on board. There was truly something wrong with her, and yet she didn’t have time to dwell on that.

She had to focus on going to work right then and fighting for her job.

If she had a job at all after the day was through, that was.

Tension rode thick throughout the ER that morning, but Liz shoved it away, focusing on her patients that needed her more than errant thoughts of what was to come. The day hadn’t been that busy so far, but there was no way she was going to say something like that aloud. It was bad enough to taunt the gods by even thinking it.

She was just finishing up some paperwork when Nancy came into the nursing station, a bland look on her face. “Liz? I need you to come with me.”

Liz froze before carefully setting down the chart she’d just finished updating. “To the break room?” she asked, aware that was where Nancy had taken the past two nurses to tell them that their job was safe. Apparently, Nancy was having fun letting each and every person know in private about the state of their position at the hospital.

If Liz weren’t freaking out over so many things, she could really start to hate this woman more than she already did. After rolling her shoulders, she followed Nancy back to the break room. She’d know soon enough what her future held, and she knew she’d just have to get through it no matter what. Everything seemed to be falling from her grasp, and she couldn’t quite find her footing, but she knew she was good at her job. She had the highest performance evaluations of the floor and worked longer hours than most because she didn’t have a family to go home to, not to mention that she honestly wanted to make sure others were taken care of. She had to trust in her ability to do what she did best: help people.

Surely, the people upstairs would understand that.

---