Page 39 of Passion Restored

9

“Call it. Time of death, five forty-two p.m.”

Liz stood motionless as Dr. Wilder’s words hit her, the meaning of them crashing into her far harder than they should. She didn’t know this patient, had only been working on the man for seven minutes since she’d been called into the room late as additional support, and yet the words broke her ever so slightly.

She’d known her job would entail this when she signed up for nursing school. There had been no hiding from the dark parts of the job, even as a student. Yet she’d also known that saving people’s lives would be worth it. It had to. She’d saved countless lives, helped others through the ER when she thought she wouldn’t be able to, and yet today, she hadn’t been enough. The doctors, techs, nurses, and aides hadn’t been enough for this man and the car accident that had been too much for his body.

This had been the second patient today that had died when she was in the room. Twice, time of death had been called. Twice, they hadn’t been enough. Twice, others had had to come into the room and clean up the mess left behind, the only evidence that someone had once been alive in the room but would now forever be lost to the powers that were far stronger than the strength in the hands of the doctors, nurses, and staff who’d tried to save them. It wasn’t uncommon to lose more than one person in a day, not in a trauma center, but today of all days seemed harder. Did it ever get easier?

Damn it.

Damn it all.

Fuck it all.

Just fuck everything.

After almost an hour of crying the night before, she’d finally fallen asleep in Tessa’s arms, her body drained. Thankfully, she had a swing shift today, so she’d been able to sleep in a bit, her body heavy from sobbing and too many emotions warring within her mind and soul. She hadn’t meant to tell Owen everything or, honestly, anything at all. Pushing him away had been the only way to keep things safe, and yet, in the end, she wasn’t sure how much good it had done. He’d said he would be back, but would he? He now knew the darkest parts of her, the parts she’d wanted to keep hidden but had let bleed out in a rush.

Damn it. It didn’t matter. She was at work, and she couldn’t think about Owen or anything having to do with him. She needed to clean herself up and try to keep the next patient alive. Because if she lost this one… She held back a shudder. She couldn’t think like that. It wouldn’t do anyone any good.

“Liz? Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Liz jolted at Nancy’s question and gave a quick nod. “Sure. Where?”

“The lounge, please,” she clipped before moving quickly away with Lisa on her tail.

After letting out a sigh, Liz followed them, the knot in her stomach tightening with each step. Nancy didn’t have the ability to fire her, but she would be the one to let everyone know who would be let go with the upcoming budget cuts. Liz just prayed today wasn’t the day because she really wasn’t sure she’d make it through it.

Liz got waylaid by two doctors asking questions on her way to the lounge, so she was almost ten minutes late by the time she made it in there. And while she might have been doing her job, from the look on Nancy’s face, being late was a cardinal sin.

“Sorry I’m late, Dr. Mendez and Dr. Johnson needed a few questions answered.” She went straight to the coffee pot and poured herself some, seeing as Nancy and Lisa had already done the same for themselves.

“Hmm,” Nancy said dismissively.

God, sometimes Liz truly hated her job, and today was just one of those days that amplified that fact. Usually, she just had to think of the patients she could help in order to keep going, but it was a little harder today, and she resented that.

If only she’d kept her mouth shut to Owen and walked away when she’d had the chance to keep her head held high. If she had, she wouldn’t have started down this path of self-pity and doubt.

Once again, she pushed thoughts of Owen from her mind and focused on what was in front of her. Namely, who was in front of her.

“Take a seat, Liz,” Nancy said after a moment. “We don’t have a lot of time to talk now thanks to the delay.”

Liz held back a retort as the “delay” had been work-related, and the three of them were on the clock and had countless things to do. She took a seat across from the two of them, feeling as if she were headed into her own inquisition.

“Yes?”

“As you know, the budget is set to be finished by the end of next week. Repercussions for that decision will trickle down, but as we all know, cutbacks are usually swift and without mercy in our department.”

Liz’s hands cupped her mug tightly. “So the cutbacks in our department are true, then?” Though, officially, there had only been rumors for the past couple of months, they’d had enough ring of truth to them that everyone took them as fact.

Nancy nodded, giving Lisa a look Liz couldn’t interpret. “Yes, we will be losing at least one nursing position, and perhaps a second if things shift the way they look to be.”

Two positions? Holy hell. Liz had no idea how the ER was supposed to get by losing one nurse, let alone two.

“Do they realize upstairs that we’re already working long hours and don’t have enough staff?” Liz asked, her mind whirling.

Nancy shrugged. “We’re just the underlings, Liz. Get used to it. But I called you both in here because you’re the two senior nurses under me. I cannot guarantee either of your jobs as that’s not my place, but performance reviews will most likely be part of the decision. Losing one or both of you will hurt, but it would help the budget according to my sources. We just don’t have the funding.” She met Liz’s gaze, but Liz didn’t blink.

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