Why the fuck are you being so nice to me?But he forced himself to smile. “Thank you.”
Cillian took a sip of coffee, one eyebrow lifted. “You don’t like me picking you up and dropping you off.”
Anthony sighed. “I feel incredibly useless. Inept. And I hate it. I was not prepared for… for being so stuck, and…” He shook his head. “Frustrated. I apply for jobs and never hear back because as soon as I tick the box that says I’ve been convicted of a crime, I’m pretty sure my résumé goes straight in the bin.”
“What kind of work are you looking for?”
“I don’t really want to be a librarian despite the degree and having two years’ experience working in the prison library. I’d prefer document control, or data entry, but I’ll take anything. My old contacts will be next to useless. They wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. Without a job, I can’t move out of my sister’s place… Well, I can, but it’ll be way out of Sydney.”
Cillian nodded. “You pay for the convenience and connections.”
“Spoken like someone who has considered moving.” Anthony recalled last night’s conversation.
“I grew up on a farm. I miss that open space.” He closed his eyes and took a drink. “Of course, when I was sixteen, I hated all that open space and lack of people.” He opened his eyes, and a smile curved his lips. “Want an embarrassing coming out story?”
“Sure.” Who was going to say no to that?
“Dad had hired a new farmhand, and he was hot. Or at least he was to sixteen-year-old me, and I was keen to meet guys and do more than think about sex. But being on the farm limited my options.”
“What about school?”
Cillian laughed. “You really are too cute. I lived in the middle of nowhere. I did my schooling online. My older sister went to boarding school, but then she was into chemistry. Driving into town was a trip and a half, and I wasn’t brave enough to attempt anything in that gossip cauldron. Anyway, I got super-helpful on the farm, so I could be near him. Up to that point, I thought I’d been keeping being gay a secret, but one day, as I was heading in for the night, Dad tells all the farmhands that if any of them looks twice at his underage son, they’ll be off the property and at the cop shop before they’ve had time to pull their boots on.” He took another drink of coffee. “And that’s how I found out that Dad knew I was gay, even though I’d never said a thing.”
Anthony smiled at the idea of a teenage Cillian trying to play it cool around the hot farmhand. “Your father sounds like a good man.”
And nothing like his.
“He is. I cut my palm helping when I was about thirteen. He freaked out, convinced he ruined my career before it started. I needed a few stitches, but there was no damage to the ligaments or tendons. After that, there were some things he wouldn’t letme do. Fortunately, my younger brother was thrilled with his promotion.”
There was a smile on his lips and a softness in his eyes that made Anthony envious. Cillian’s family loved him and accepted him and wanted what was best for him. He couldn’t imagine what that must be like. “So you’re the middle child?”
Cillian nodded. “My sister got all the brains, I got the talent, and my brother got the brawn. We look similar, but that’s where it stops. But it meant, while we were growing up, we could pull off anything if we worked together. Your family wasn’t like that, was it?”
That was an understatement. Anthony finished his coffee and placed it on the kitchen counter. “My father fostered a competitive environment, believing it brought out the best people. Margot, being the oldest, and being a girl, avoided the worst of it. Hayden got used to being the youngest and the only boy, and then I came along and snatched away all that attention. We’ve been at war ever since.”
Cillian gathered up the cups and put them in the dishwasher. “He is a difficult person.”
That was tactfully put. Hayden was an asshole, and that was on a good day. “How do you know him?”
“Through his ex.” Cillian’s expression closed. He’d been open until that point, but now there was a definite shift in his tone. Anthony didn’t know him well enough to say he was lying, but there wasmoreto the story. “You’re out, and were before, according to the papers. How did your family take it?”
Anthony grimaced. “Hayden caught me out at fourteen. I’d bought some men’s fitness magazines for everything but the articles. He brought it up over dinner, hoping to score points. In that split second, I realized I either denied it, in which case he’d be picking and searching for ways to expose me, or I shrugged it off.”
“You went with the latter?”
“I did, and I made some comment about how he didn’t need to worry about me stealing his girlfriend.”
“I bet that went down well.”
“I don’t remember the rest of the evening, but I remember my father telling me not to embarrass the family. I didn’t openly date guys until I went to uni.”
“I wasn’t able to date until I got to uni.” Cillian sighed.
Anthony wanted to ask more, to compare if they had both gone completely off the deep end at uni or carefully waded in, but time was slipping past, and Cillian had a meeting. “Why don’t you have the first shower, and I’ll make a second cup of coffee for you?”
Cillian glanced at the clock. “Shit, I do need to get moving. The bread is in the freezer. I should’ve offered you some breakfast.”
“It’s fine. I can make toast.” He walked around the island, and Cillian brushed past him, his hand sliding over Anthony’s stomach. His lips brushed Anthony’s shoulder as if he couldn’t resist touching him. “I’ll be five minutes, and I’ll put a fresh towel out for you.”