Page 29 of Secrets in a Sandstorm

“My dearest Cyril…Cyril Brown.” He glances at the skeleton wearing the C Brown name tag. “Nice to meet you, mate.”

I press my lips together to hide my laughter as Harrison reads the letter aloud

“From the first day I saw you, I knew you were the man for me. I delight in seeing you every morning, even if you are barking orders. I have wanted to kiss you so many times it is impossible to count, but I never find the courage, even after too many drinks. If I were a braver man, I would have made my feelings clear and risked the rebuff. Instead, I have chosen the coward’s way to avoid asking if you harbor similar feelings for me. Eternally yours, Teddy.” Harrison is silent for several heartbeats as he stares at the letter. “Do you think they were trapped by a sandstorm?”

I know they were. “Perhaps they were hiding from the enemy and waiting for help. If Teddy was injured…” I swing the torch over to poor Teddy, who was so in love with Cyril but couldn’t tell him, giving him the letter only when he was sure death was coming to claim him.

I’m sure Teddy expected Cyril to make it out alive, not knowing he was too lost in guilt, depression, and PTSD to do anything more than seek relief in the darkness. No doubt everyone assumed them dead, their bodies lost forever in the shifting sands.

If we hadn’t taken this trip, they would’ve been lost for a lot longer.

I might never have realized I wanted more than being Harrison’s friend.

“Why did you kiss me?” He asks, staring at the scrap of map bearing Teddy’s last words. “Why now? Is it because you expect to die here?”

They died, unable to say what they wanted. Are we doomed to replay this until we make it right? Until Djau and Ay are reunited?

It is weird to think that this isn’t because of me or Harrison but something that happened centuries ago.

While my feelings didn’t sprout in the cave, being trapped here gave them a chance to grow without others watching. Without me judging myself for having them. It doesn’t matter if this is fate or magic or something else. I’ve been given a warning, and I’m not going to make Cyril’s mistake—whether I am him reborn is irrelevant.

My feelings are for Harrison, and ignoring them does us both a disservice. I’ve trusted him most of my life. It shouldn’t be hard to trust him with my heart.

“I don’t think we’re going to die.” I press my teeth into my lip. I imagine I can still taste him. I want to feel his handon the back of my neck again. “I kissed you because I didn’t this morning when you were drying off from your bucket bath. Because I didn’t when you laughed earlier, even though all I wanted to do was lick the hollow of your throat.” I can’t look at him, and I’m glad the dark is hiding the heat on my cheeks. What if he still sees me as the kid brother? If he only kissed me because he was caught up in the moment, but now he has doubts. I need to say how I feel, not wait until it’s too late. “Because I realized I don’t want you to walk out of my life after this trip ends. I want…I want to be with you.”

It’s only then that I turn my head from Teddy’s bones to look at Harrison.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

PRESENT DAY

HARRISON

It’s the darkness and the green glow distorting everything. The howling of the storm and the skeletons. We aren’t going to die in here the way they did. I can halve our rations, which gives us four days. While the storm is disrupting the radio signal, when it ends, we can call for help and, if needed, be dug out.

Max is just freaking out.

I carefully fold the letter, trying not to think about how much I want him. The way my dick is half-hard and aching for him to touch me again. I place the letter back in Cyril’s pocket, well aware this is an echo of their situation.

Fucking weird, that’s what this is.

Max is waiting for me to respond, but I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want to say that I thought he was straight, though that is true. As far as I know, he’s only dated girls. I don’t want to say that I’ve been thinking about him as more than a brother, a friend, because that will get weird fast.

“Why did you kiss me back?” Max’s voice is low, like he isn’t sure if he wants to hear the answer.

I’m not sure I want to tell the truth. But I don’t want tokeep it a secret that I take to the grave either. Life’s too short and unpredictable. I draw in a breath. If he can screw up the courage to kiss me, I can have the balls, to be honest. “Because I’ve wanted to kiss you for the last two years.”

He doesn’t know how hard I have been fighting this attraction. Jay would be furious, but he’s not here. I’m not sure if that makes this better or worse.

Worse, because Jay was the only person stopping me. Worse, because when Max kissed me, I was glad there was no one standing in the way.

“Two years?” Max echoes, staring at me.

Yeah, it’s weird. I shouldn’t lust after my best friend’s little brother. Though Max isn’t little anymore. He’s a couple of inches taller and built.

“Tell me, if Jay was still alive?—”

“He’s not. And he wouldn’t approve if he was. And if he was alive, we wouldn’t be here. You’d be on this trip with him. I was always the third wheel.”

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