Page 27 of Secrets in a Sandstorm

I’d like to say it was a nightmare, but I wasn’t asleep.

“What’s this you dropped?” He picks up the gold lioness statue and my blood runs cold. Will he dive into the past?

“The Goddess Bast.” I force out the words as I watch him.

Harrison frowns as if surprised I know anything about Egyptian gods. I don’t, but Cyril and Djau recognized the golden cat. Then he shrugs and drops it into the satchel.

“Maybe they were stealing things to sell on the side.” He flicks the light at the gold and lapis armband on Teddy’s wrist as if that proved they were thieves.

“Or they found it in here, the same as we did, and he put in it the satchel for safekeeping.” I don’t care about the important intel in the satchel. I care about the letter written on the piece of map in Cyril’s breast pocket.

I get to my knees and lean over Cyril’s skeleton. My skeleton? Was I him, or was I just seeing his life? My mind is spinning with memories that can’t be mine, yet they feel as though they are. I lift the pocket flap, knowing it’s unbuttoned, and pull out the much-folded, blood-smeared, and well-read letter from Teddy.

Fuck. It was real.

I know what the letter says without reading it. Teddy’s words ring in my ears, and I feel his hand as he presses the letter into mine, knowing that he’s dying and that he’ll never get an answer.

But Cyril didn’t need to read the letter to know Teddy’s heart, and in those last few minutes, he gave Teddy a glimpse of a future they’d never have.

“What have you got there?” Harrison takes the torch out of his mouth and shines it on the piece of map, the only thing Teddy had to write on, as he leans in closer. He smells of sweat and leather, the same as he has every day after riding, but today, there is nothing sweeter, and I want to fill my lungs with his scent.

Desperation consumes me.

These men missed their chance, and I don’t want to make the same mistake.

Our lips connect, and for one blinding moment, my stomach drops. I forget how to breathe. How to exist, and who I am.

Harrison cups my face and stares into my eyes. “What was that for?”

I blink, breathing hard as I try to find the words without explaining the two lives I lived in half a second. I want him.

Does he not want me?

I took my shot. If he still sees me as Jay’s younger brother, I can’t do anything about that. I swallow my doubts and hold his gaze. “For being you.”

I want him to kiss me back.

Ineedhim to kiss me.

He’s staring at me, eyes dark and skin green from the glow stick. His hand is still on my face. His thumb smooths over my cheek. “I’ve been me for a long time.”

“Yeah…” I glance down at the letter. “I guess I never really saw you until this trip.”

I don’t want to be like Cyril, who didn’t realize until too late what Teddy meant to him. Or what Teddy might mean to him.

Harrison has always been important in my life. But I want more than being his friend, his younger brother by default.

“Is that right?” His eyebrows pull together.

This was a mistake. Don’t kiss your brother’s best friend. I’m sure that’s a rule like don’t date your best friend's ex.

Have I messed this up?

I shake my head and go to draw away, wanting to blame being swept up in the past and the echoes of their loss being too loud and sharp. “It doesn’t matter.”

His hand slides around the back of my neck to cradle my head so I have to look at him. “It does matter because you won’t mind if I follow up with this.”

His lips are on mine, but where I was tentative, he is demanding as if he knows what he wants and has been waiting for me to wake up and pay attention. My lips part, and his tongue dips in, teasing and tasting until I can think of nothing but the way his mouth moves on mine. The taste of him. The stubble on his face grazing my skin. The firm grip of his hand, possessive as if he never wants to let me go.

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