Page 32 of On the Edge

“I’m just tired and cranky from a long day.” I tried for a brighter tone, but if anything, I ended up sounding more exhausted. “I’m sick of meetings where I have to fight for every position and paid hour when we’re already operating understaffed.”

“At least tomorrow is Saturday.” He gave me a hopeful look as I stopped for a red light.

“Not for me. I’m covering some NP hours. Swing shift again, so at least I can sleep in.”

“Oh. I was thinking…” His tone shifted to something more resigned. “Never mind. If you have to work, you have to work.”

“You wanted to do something?” My pulse sped up. Was he asking me on a date?

“Doesn’t matter. You’ve got a shift.” Voice staying pragmatic, he shrugged. “But I’m going stir crazy, and I’m sick of sneaking around. Eric almost caught us the other night. Thought maybe we could go into Portland, get some decent food, not have to worry about who sees us together.”

“That sounds wonderful, and I have a stack of recommendations for queer-friendly places where we can be…ourselves.” I didn’t want to assume a date, but Declan’s suggestion certainly sounded like one.

“Some other time.” Declan sounded further away, making my chest pinch. What if he never asked again? “Instead, we getkaraoke fun while I try not to think about kissing you later while my dad’s around.”

“Same.” I shuddered as I started the always-fun game of hunting for a parking spot downtown. Ski season was in full swing at Mount Hood, which meant an increase in tourists, while longtime residents were more likely to drive in this weather versus walk or bike. “Maybe that’s why I’m not as eager as normal. Visualizing your father figuring out we’re more than friends has me quaking in my loafers.”

“Ugh.” Declan made a sour face that mirrored my own.

“Have you thought about telling your dad?” I asked gently.

“About us?” Declan visibly recoiled. “I also enjoy my life. He’d be pissed I’m messing with his best friend.”

“It’s cute you think he’d be more protective of me than you.” I chuckled, but the mere thought of Sean’s reaction made my skin cold and clammy. “And I meant more in general. You know he’d be supportive regardless if you’re gay or bi or?—”

“I don’t know what I am.” Declan gave me a stony glare as I finally found a spot close to the bar, and I tossed that stare right back.

“No clue at all?”

“Well, clearly.” Gaze dropping to my mouth, he huffed a loud breath. “And there’s no point in telling my dad I’m…not straight when I can’t tell anyone else.”

“Support is a good thing.” Not wanting to let his resistance rile me up, I tried for a measured tone. “And coming out doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I had a number of years where Eric, your dad, and a few others knew, but not everyone?—”

“Including your first wife?” Declan’s words were as sharp as his icicle-cold eyes.

“Including her.” Not snapping back was hard, but I didn’t take the bait. “I was young. Younger than you. And stupider. People make mistakes.”

“Yeah.” His shoulders slumped, much of his fight receding. “Sorry. That was a low jab.”

“It’s okay,” I said even though it wasn’t, not really. Declan had poked an old, never-quite-healed hurt. “And I’m saying, learn from my errors in judgment. I thought if I squished myself into a closet and bolted the door, life would be easier. I was so wrong. You don’t have to make yourself fit in someone else’s box or cut yourself off from people who love you.”

“I don’t want to fight about this.” Declan rubbed his temples. “Not tonight.”

“You okay?” Turning in my seat, I leaned closer to examine his pained expression. “We don’t have to go to the karaoke thing if you have a headache.”

“You look more tired than me, and you’re going.” He pushed open his car door, letting in a gust of cold air. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

I followed him out of the car. Nothing was fine, not even close, but I had no choice but to go pretend.

Chapter Sixteen

Declan

“Looks like Eric saved us a table.” Jonas pointed to the back wall as we entered the old brick bank that had been turned into a bar and grill. A massive oak bar took up much of the front area, with wooden booths and tables along the sides and rear of the space. Low lighting, exposed brick, and period details set a cozy vibe. A small stage was set up in the back left corner, opposite the bank of tables Eric had claimed.

“Looks like.” My voice was stiff because I was still smarting from the fight I’d picked in the car. I’d done it to myself, but that didn’t stop me from wishing I could grab Jonas’s hand and run far, far away from here.

“Are we okay?” Jonas asked in a low voice as we approached Eric.

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