Page 17 of On the Edge

“Maybe.” Eyes taking on a faraway cast, he gave a sad smile as he petted Oz before standing. “Time to toast! Make a wish!”

As the clock counted down to midnight, I couldn’t think of any resolutions or wishes that didn’t involve Declan. My own crush was likely as hopeless as Rowan’s, but tell that to my fickle heart. After all my failed relationships, I really should know better. And I’d hoped for a partner for too many years to make that midnight wish one more time. Nope. My only New Year’s resolution needed to be keeping my distance from Declan.

Said resolution lasted precisely through shooing the kids off to bed, cleaning the kitchen, putting away the fancy glasses, and walking past Declan’s door. He’d seemed pained. Maybe I should check…

And before I could stop myself, I knocked on the closed door.

“Come in,” he called. I opened the door to find him in bed, and as he sat up, the covers pooled around his waist. His very bare waist, no hint of boxers or pajama bottoms. And no shirteither. Bare chest, a surprising amount of auburn fuzz, fading bruises on his torso, lickable pink nipples, and…

Stop it.I forced myself to look away. Oz had no such modesty and went to settle next to Declan. Traitorous dog.

“Sorry. I should have known you’d be sleeping.”

“No, I wasn’t asleep. My mind doesn’t want to shut down even though I ran out of energy to dress after I showered. Fucking showers. Who knew they were such energy thieves?”

“Fucking bandits,” I agreed. “Want me to toss you your pajamas?”

“Nah.” He looked entirely too comfortable with his nudity.

“I should let you rest or…whatever.” A strangled cough escaped my throat as I envisionedwhatever. “I only wanted to see if you were okay. I thought you might have been in pain after the movie. You mentioned your head?”

“When am I not in pain?” Groaning, he gave a dismissive wave. “Head. Back. Leg. My other leg from too much work moving the scooter. All of it.”

“You could take something.”

“The pain meds were torturing my stomach and making my nausea way worse, so I weaned myself off them at the rehab place. Besides, it’s not that bad tonight. I mainly just needed away from the New Year’s Eve festivities and the movie.”

“That grossed out?” I hadn’t yet figured Declan out. He seemed to want to prove a point that he was cool with queer content, despite his obvious discomfort. And then there was that longing in his eyes, which left me with more questions.

“No. You don’t get it. I’mangry.”

“Okay.” I drew the word out as I headed for the door. “It’s late, and I’m too tired to unpack your homophobia?—”

Declan cut me off with a frustrated noise. “Not atthem. The characters were amazing. Who wouldn’t love that duo? No, I’mmad at the producers for making it seem like coming out is as easy as kissing in front of the whole neighborhood. As if.”

“Sometimes it is that easy,” I said gently, studying the array of emotions on Declan’s expressive face.

“Not in my world.” He shook his head, tone turning mournful as he buried a hand in Oz’s soft fur. “My first pro race, one of the older riders made sure to let me know there was no place for gay riders, only he used a far worse word. And that was okay because I’d already learned that lesson as an amateur. And how.”

“Wanna tell me about it?” I stepped closer to the bed.

“Not particularly,” he snapped. “This is the life I chose. End of story.”

“Well, alrighty then.” I didn’t like this version of Declan, hurt and miserable and shutting me out. “Guess I should head to bed. Come on, Oz.”

“You’re not gonna read?” Declan sounded genuinely surprised and disappointed. And that was all the more reason for me to decline, along with my neglected resolution. We were fast falling into habits that weren’t healthy for my heart, especially if Declan didn’t want to talk. Our friendship needed to be a two-way street, and even then, I couldn’t ignore the real risk of my more-than-friendly feelings.

“Not tonight.”

“Why didn’t you have a date? You should have had a New Year’s Eve date.” His tone was defiant. “Gotta be boring, hanging out with the kids and the cr?—”

“Watch how you talk,” I warned before he could finish the slur.

“I was going to say crappy excuse for a human being.” Declan rolled his eyes at me like that line was much better than what I’d assumed. “I am pretty worthless these days.”

“You are not, and with everyone else pulling a shift tonight, someone needed to be home with the teens.” I shrugged, tryingto keep my tone casual despite his prodding. “Besides, I’m kind of on a break from dating.”

“That’s bullshit. You didn’t want someone to kiss at midnight?”

---