Page 95 of Amber Gambler

As much as I wouldn’t have minded, say, his lips on mine or his hand fisting my hair, I crackled with the electric tingle of his restraint. He was still thinking about Harrow putting his hands on me. I could tell. He was questioning if I would lump them together if he pressed harder, asked for more. And he was asking himself if he…

“Josie asked me if I want to be intimate with you.”

“You’ve really got to start exercising your right to plead the fifth when she questions you.”

“I told her I’m not sure.”

“Oh.” I swallowed to wet my parched throat. “Okay.”

Oh.That was my brilliant response. Followed up by another word vomit classic.Okay.

“That’s not what I meant.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “I’m trying to say you’re entitled to your feelings. It’s okay to not be sure. You don’t have to decide right now.” He deserved the time to figure out what he wanted for himself. “There’s no wrong answer here. No tricks. No traps. No expectations. To go forward, or not, is your choice.”

“I haven’t thought about sex in…”

“…a long time,” I finished for him, marveling at how thoroughly he had cut himself off from the world.

“I must have experienced physical intimacy during my mortal life, but I don’t recall the particulars.”

“Kierce…”

“You deserve someone who doesn’t struggle to recall the mechanics of physical intimacy. Someone who knows their own mind, their own heart. I can’t offer you those things. Not now. I lost them.” He dragged a hand down his face. “It could take years to relearn what I have forgotten, to be what you need in a partner. I won’t ask you to wait when the results are uncertain.” His head hung loose on his neck. “I understand if you no longer want to hold my hand.”

The twist in my chest as my heart wrung itself out made me wish I could bundle him in bubble wrap to keep him from getting hurt. From hurting him. But when hearts got involved, there were no guarantees. For either of us.

“Everyone has a first relationship. Everyone is a virgin at one point. Everyone screws up, gets hurt, learns from their mistakes, makes new ones, and has enough sex to get proficient if not good at it. That’s life.” I raked my fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. “Inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is uncertainty.” I cupped his chin, forcing him to look up at me. “I’m going to keep holding your hand, Kierce, and I’m notletting you go.” A prickle stung my cheeks as fresh word vomit spewed all over our conversation. “Unless what you decide—and you can take as long as you want—is that you want to be let go of, then I will, of course, honor your wishes. With no hard feelings. Whatsoever.”

A firm knock on the door saved me from myself before Carter stepped in.

From the look on her face, I could tell she had an update. “You got in touch with Harrow?”

“He’s willing to meet us at dusk.” She cocked an eyebrow. “He wants you comfortable.”

A few spirits would be out and about then, but it wasn’t like I could order them to attack him. Really, the time of day didn’t matter. Harrow was giving me a security blanket by meeting us as night fell. Before he put his hands on me, I would have been moved by his concession. I would have taken it as a good sign.

But I was tired of giving people credit only to have them default on me in spectacular fashion.

With a yawn, I leaned into my newly formed exit strategy. “That gives me time for another nap.”

And offered Kierce room to breathe after baring his soul.

The last few hours had taken an emotional toll on me and my family I wasn’t done paying yet. He and I were raw. Vulnerable. Sleep wasn’t a cure for what ailed me, but it was good medicine.

“Go to Josie.” Kierce traced the curve of my cheek with his fingertip. “I’ll be here.”

The way he made it a promise I could believe in tightened my stomach. Or maybe it was simply his touch. I rolled onto my toes to kiss his cheek, cut Carter a warning stare to behave, then left them to go next door and climb in bed with Josie as I did my damnedest to hold my sister together while what remained of her world fell apart.

Warmth encased my spine, and I jerked awake, afraid Josie was cuddling as a precursor to a crying jag. I held still, waiting for her breath to hitch or her body to tremble, hoping I wouldn’t have to wake her. She had been out cold when I switched places with Matty to catch a few more winks before I had to face the very real possibility that Harrow was more like his uncle than I ever imagined.

But the arms slipping around my waist, drawing me closer, weren’t slender or sisterly.

“I’ve made my decision,” Kierce murmured into my hairline.

Sleep held enough sway over me that I convinced myself this was a dream. “Oh?”

His body molded around mine, his hips tucking against my butt, and his decision made itself known.

Kierce was definitely—ahem—waking up in more ways than one.

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