Page 16 of Taming His Teacher

I give in on a lot of things; let other people call the shots on much of how I lead my life. I don’t mind it for the most part. If I let myself admit it, I like it. But there are some things that are too important, that matter too much to let other people decide. I don’t use it often, so much that it probably seems like petulant stubbornness instead of the kind of assertions other people make every day, but I can put my foot down. In this case, I will.

“You may have the weekend to come to a decision, but by this time on Monday I’d like an answer. You’re dismissed.”

In that moment, I ache for Uncle Rett. This is not the conversation he wants to be having on a Friday afternoon when he should be finishing up paperwork so he can take Aunt Tilly to a nice dinner in town. Instead he’s lecturing his junior faculty members, one of whom has been like a granddaughter to him. I am such a complete and utter screwup.

Will and I push out of our chairs and I follow him out of the office, pulling the heavy door shut behind me. I walk behind him across the campus to Gefflin and trudge up the stairs, an unspoken agreement between us:We need to talk.

When he’s gestured me inside his apartment and closed the door, he turns on the stereo and a concerto comes on. Lovely music to have a knock-down, drag-out fight by. But he surprises me, crossing the room and wrapping his slender fingers around my upper arms and rubbing. His affection is startling, but welcome. I sink into it, letting his hypnotic movements settle me.

“Let’s think about this rationally, angel. Did you just do the one test?”

I shake my head. I’d done the second one almost immediately following the first, grasping at desperate straws. Then I’d gone to a different drug store in another town to pick up several more. Days later, the result had still been the same.

“Maybe it was a bad batch. Manufacturers make mistakes.”

I swallow hard. That’s why I’d gotten three different kinds of tests. Just in case. “But not all of them, not all at once. I’m pretty sure eight positive tests is beyond the margin of error.”

The soothing motion stops and his hands drop, leaving a trace of the warmth that used to be there. It’s replaced by his voice that’s gone ice cold.

“Get rid of it.”

“I won’t.”

“Christ, Erin, if I had known you were such a right-wing nut job, I never would’ve fucked you.”

“I’m not a right-wing nut job. I just…” I can’t explain it. I am firmly pro-choice. Have been for as long as I can remember. Should any of my friends find themselves in this situation and want an abortion, I would support them. I would drive them to the clinic myself. But my baby, inside my body? “I can’t, Will. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry is not going to get me out of this hellhole you’ve dug for me.”

“I’m sorry,Idug foryou? You think my job isn’t also on the line?” I don’t mention the violently ill sensation I get when I think about leaving the Hill, like the very center of my universe might suddenly disappear. There’s no way he’d understand. “And I don’t recall being the only person having sex in Turner. I’m pretty sure you were there, too. Otherwise this wouldn’t be a problem. It would be every boy on the Hill’s fantasy come true!”

Well, not every boy. There are a few kids who are gay and out, a few more who are closeted, but “every boy” sounds better than “ninety percent of the boys.” He’ll forgive my literary license.

“So, what? You want to get married?”

His pacing is going to wear a hole in the already threadbare carpet, and his jerky movements and aggressive striding scare me. He’s always been the mild-mannered English teacher, charming with a ready smile, but this is the second time I’ve seen him behave like a caged animal. When animals are backed into a corner…

“I don’twantto—we barely know each other—but I don’t want to lose my job, either. I don’t want to leave and I don’t think you do, either. You love it here as much as I do.”

“I was here first.”

I laugh and he turns a murderous glare on me.

“I’ve been coming here since I was two weeks old. Rett and Tilly Wilson sang me ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ and drank cambric tea with my dollies.Iwas here first.”

His rage is spilling out of his ears, but he won’t push me on that point.

“Look, Will, I like you. You’re smart, handsome and funny. You’re everything I thought I’d want in a partner. I know this is less than ideal, but we could at least try to make it work. I don’t see any other way out of this.”

If I did, I’d take it, but I can’t leave. I just can’t. I think I could handle any hardship or disappointment as long as I got to stay here. The need to be here, on the Hill, has blanked out the other thoughts in my head.If I lose everything else, let me keep this.

“I’ll think about it. Get out.”

I swallow my protests and get up from the couch. I want to say something, but I won’t allow myself to apologize. Not for something that’s equally his fault. I walk by him, and we exchange nothing. Not a look, not a touch. We’re not even breathing the same air. As I close the door to his apartment, I hear something glass meet its maker on the bricks of the hearth.

* * *

Shep

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