Page 56 of The Cartographer

“How?” His eyes are bright with anticipation, and I’d like to grab him by the back of his neck, drag him over to the post, and show him right now.

“A mirror. Video. Do either one of those appeal to you?”

The bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallows gets me half-hard. “Mirror. I know you wouldn’t…”Show anyone.I wouldn’t. “But I—”

“I’m not offended.” I’m not the biggest fan of records myself. Though the idea of being able to watch Allie on film whenever the mood struck me… Screw that. I’d never get anything else done. “We can do that sometime. And if you’d like to top someone, say the word. I’ll find you a suitable partner.”

My throat closed around the words, but they come out as though I’d offered him a glass of water. I should. Watching is its own kind of exertion, and if I’d like to play with him after everyone goes, I should keep him hydrated and comfortable.

A wrinkle forms between his brows, and the corners of his wide mouth turn down. “Top someone?”

“You said you envied them both.”

“Oh. No.” He shakes his head, and the frown turns into an abashed smile. “Because they looked happy. But if I could have traded places with one of them?”

He licks his thick lips, and I want to suck the sheen of moisture right off of them and not stop there. Devour is not a strong enough word for the way I want to consume him at this moment.

“Constance can hold onto her whip.”

The relief that courses through me might be more disconcerting than the panic I felt earlier.He’s not yours. You can groom him, teach him, but then you’ve got to send him on his way, into someone else’s arms. You don’t get to play for keeps.

“Don’t say that too loudly. She might take you up on it.”

His eyes bug, and I smile so he knows I’m kidding. There’s no way Constance has energy for that right now, nor would she let anyone else handle Glory’s aftercare. Not after a scene that intense. Nor would she whip someone she’s only just met. She’d want to know Allie far better before she tried.

Allie’s response is a short nervous laugh, and he tries to distract me with a lift of his chin. “What about them?”

Cris and India have been occupying themselves in the corner of the dungeon dedicated to rope. He’s had her up in a couple of suspensions on one of the rigs, but mostly it hasn’t been for show. Just practice. Though I’d like to see them play hard, this is good for them. Particularly for Cris, and I’m proud of India.

Suspension’s not her favorite and she’s somewhat lacking in patience, but she’s been beautifully obedient all night long as Cris has arranged her in pose after pose, tie after tie. Sure, she finds pleasure in being bound, but not enough to last through the hours they’ve been at this. She’s being generous and giving him what he needs without a struggle. With serenity and grace, actually.

I’m so fucking proud of her. I’ve never seen her be so unstinting with anyone except me. Hunter too, of course.

There’s that unnerving guilt. After all these years. The extent to which I failed her—

Shake it off. She’s with someone safe now, someone who’d never do that to her, and you helped her find that too.

“What about them?”

“They look happy too.”

“They are.” I’d thought the baby thing would’ve turned their world upside down, but they’ve handled it beautifully. Agreed to table the idea for six months and then have a serious discussion. I suspect Cris would be an exceptional father and they’d have beautiful babies, but India… We’ll have to wait and see.

“And you’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?” I lay a hand on his thigh and stroke.

“Because you’d rather be playing than sitting here? Wouldn’t you?”

“If we played whenever I wanted to, I’d never do anything else. It’s good for my self-control to not always get what I want. If you said you’d changed your mind and you’d desperately like me to strap you to the St. Andrew’s cross and take a paddle to your ass, I’d happily oblige, but I’m perfectly content sitting here with you. You’re a delight to watch, and I’ll have my fun some other time.”

What I don’t say is this is a pleasure I’m afforded far less often than the gratification kink brings, and I want to soak in it for a bit longer.

Chapter Eighteen

‡

I’ve been awfullybusy for the past several weeks, including a visit from my mother during which I kept her busy enough she didn’t demand to meet Hart. Small miracle, that, because the woman’s a barracuda. Between that and work, I haven’t been paying enough attention to Hart, so tonight I’ve decided to treat him. And to be honest, myself. Elouisa throws the best damn parties.

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