Page 62 of His Custody

He’d promised he would keep her and now he was throwing her away? How could he? Her hands curled into fists in the tablecloth so she wouldn’t throw something at him, and her chin trembled. She was doing her best to fight back tears but it was hard. He was abandoning her.

But he wasn’t. He was right by her side and then lifting her up, cradling her on his lap as he took her seat.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Keyne. I’m not tired of you. If anything, I love you more than I ever have. I’m crazy about you, addicted to you. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want you. You’re perfect for me.”

His soft sure words in her ear eased some of her worries, but the overriding reality was he was ditching her, leaving her alone and, especially with all the pretty words he’d just given her, she didn’t understand. “So why are you leaving me?”

He ran a big hand through her hair as he urged her head to his shoulder and rocked her. “I’m not leaving you, sweetheart. You’re leaving me.”

“I don’t have to. I don’t want to. You’re the one who’s making me go to school, I’d be happy to stay here, I can—”

“You can’t.” He was using that tone that left no room for argument and though she was tempted to fight him, she wouldn’t. “You’re going to go to school, be with other people your own age. You’re going to date and you’re—”

She resisted then, a violent push he contained with his arms like steel bands around her. “Don’t fight. Be a good girl for me, Tinker Bell.”

She wouldn’t push any more, but she sat rigid on his lap, her breath coming as hard and fast as if she were brawling with him. “You’re going to be with someone who isn’t me. Someone who’s not so perverted and controlling.”

“You want me to be with someone who’s vanilla?”

He tried to contain the snort-laugh at her incredulity, but it spilled out anyway, his hard body vibrating against hers.

“You might like it. You might love it. You don’t know.”

She wouldn’t, she knew she wouldn’t. She hadn’t. Gavin had been a good lover, she thought, and never had he lit her up from the inside like Jasper did. Never had she felt as safe, as protected, contained, as loved as she had in the past two months of being Jasper’s.

“Or even someone else kinky who’s not as demanding as I am. Who’s not going to chain you to the bed, who’s not going to have a say over what you eat, what you wear. Who’s not going to stuff your pussy and your ass full while you eat dinner.”

He had just named some of her favorite things. Why in hell would she want to not have those things?

“Look, Keyne.” His hard swallow piqued her interest. Jasper wasn’t so often uncertain—she counted on him to not be—but he seemed that way now. “I know I haven’t always done the greatest job with you. When you came here, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing and I’m not confident I’ve gotten much wiser. You were my ward, my responsibility. I was your guardian. I was supposed to put your best interests first. I suspect I haven’t always done that because I wanted you so badly. So badly I convinced myself what I wanted was also best for you, that you like being mine when maybe that’s the only option you had so it seemed like a good choice.”

How could he possibly say such a thing? He’d given her so many choices. She could’ve gone to Miami, she could’ve entered foster care, she could’ve talked Sasha’s parents or Gabby’s parents into letting her stay there until the school year was out. Not only was he wrong, but he was making her feel like she’d been powerless when all he’d ever done was make her feel powerful.

“I want to be with you, Keyne. I want to make you mine. I’ll do it in whatever way you want me to, but before I do, I want to know I’ve given you every opportunity to find happiness in whatever form it takes for you, whether that be under my control or not. I don’t want you waking up when you’re thirty and wondering how the hell you got stuck with this ancient sadistic control freak and wishing for more out of life. I want to give you everything, even if that doesn’t include me.”

She burrowed her head into his chest because she didn’t want to hear anymore. Technically hewasa sadistic control freak, but why was he making that sound like a bad thing? They’d talked about kink-shaming, and he’d drilled it into her head that there was nothing wrong with her, nothing wrong with him. That as long as everyone involved was consenting and educated, kink wasn’t something to feel bad about. Something to keep private because being ashamed and knowing people would give you shit for how you got off weren’t the same thing, but never should she feel bad about the things she wanted.

Why was he trying to make this sound like a bad choice? Like she’d made a poor decision. His logic, or really lack thereof, was infuriating and she wanted to claw at him but all he’d do would be to hold her arms behind her back and force her to listen anyhow. So she clutched at his shirt and tried not to cry the confused tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

“So while you’re at school, we’re not going to do this. You can call me whenever you need me, I’ll be here for you, I promise. But you have to make a good faith effort to be a normal college kid. Be a little reckless, a little irresponsible. And if you want to come back to me when you have that diploma in your hands, when you’ve lived for a few years, I will gladly,gladly, take back anything you’re willing to give me.”

***

For a moment, he was convinced his soliloquy had worked, that she understood. That she’d give in if only by telling herself she’d do it because he’d asked her to and she wanted to obey her master in all things. A neat trick, that. As much as he’d like to, he couldn’t control her thoughts and if she wanted to be a sneaky thing and mindfuck herself that way, there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn’t sure if he’d be pleased or exasperated by that. Probably both.

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

He closed his eyes and huffed a short sigh into her hair. He should’ve waited until after they were finished, but he couldn’t. It had been eating him alive. “You’re going to finish your dinner.”

She made a soft sound of protest, but when he unwound his arm from around her and slid another bite of fish onto the fork and put it to her lips, she took it in her mouth, chewed and swallowed obediently.

When she’d had every bite, he led her back to her room and when she’d slipped her shoes off and he’d emptied her body of his toys, her control crumbled. She keened, her anguish bone deep and jarring. Maybe he’d made the wrong choice. Again.

She threw things at him, mostly shoes, and he was sure he’d have bruises on his arms from blocking the stilettos and wedges she sent flying through the air. She wasn’t quite as good at throwing objects as she was at throwing a punch, but she wasn’t bad either.

“I hate you, Jasper. I hate you. You promised and I hate you. You said you would keep me and you lied. You’re throwing me away. Well, I don’t need you. If you don’t need me, I don’t need you. How does it feel?”

She stripped off her dress and stood there naked and then she did the most surprising thing of all. She unhooked her bracelet from around her slim wrist and threw it on the floor. He couldn’t remember the last time that thin chain hadn’t graced her wrist. Maybe since he’d given it to her. And now she’d taken it off.

---