Page 62 of Shining Through

The sight of Daniil’s coach brought a fresh wave of pain. From the arena, came the announcement the award ceremony was about to begin.

She had to get out of here.

The escalator led down to the mixed zone where reporters waited to interview skaters on their way to the locker rooms. She couldn’t face the phalanx of media. She knew what they would think—that she was a flash in the pan whose time had passed. It happened all the time. Plenty of talented skaters ended their careers never making it to the Games. For some, that was okay.

Instead of facing the reporters, Tabitha took the stairs down to the basement level. She came out into a corridor lined with bags full of stuffed animals collected from the ice. The toys were being donated to a children’s hospital, and two women were busy loading the bags into a waiting van. From above came muffled applause, then music. The women paused in their work and sang along as the Russian National Anthem played in the arena.

Tabitha had the answer to her long-ago question. Even deep in the bowels of the building, she could still hear the medal ceremony. She continued toward the locker room. She rounded a corner and came face to face with Daniil.

Frozen in a tableau, they stared at one another. Daniil stepped forward, closing the distance. “Tabitha?”

The tenderness in his voice and his eyes caused her throat to hitch. She pressed her fist to her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting to hold back tears. He came closer and took her hand. The flood gates burst and she collapsed sobbing into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Angel. So sorry,” he said, as he stroked her hair.

For the moment, she felt safe. “Did you see it?”

“I watched from the balcony. I didn’t want to upset you if you were still angry with me.”

If she’d seen him, it wouldn’t have helped. In fact, it might have made things worse. Because then, she would have realized he still cared. She would have gone into her performance knowing this moment awaited.

She couldn’t think about it yet, though. For one last time, she was in his loving arms. She wouldn’t think about what had happened last night, or what would happen very soon. She only knew that her heart was breaking, and her dreams had fallen apart.

“Don’t cry Angel, it will be all right. If I hadn’t been such a shithead last night...”

She clung to him, wishing she could freeze time, so she never had to let him go. “What happened out there wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

She’d gone to see him last night, knowing it could hurt today’s performance. She’d put her love and desire for Daniil ahead of skating. Ahead of the goal she’d been striving for, and for which others had made so many sacrifices. It was something Fiona would do, not perfect, always in control Tabitha.

“I shouldn’t have said those things.” He cupped his hands to both sides of her face. “It’s made me think about so much.”

She blinked back tears, unsure if she had enough courage for what she had to say. But for his sake as much as hers, she must find it. He’d made a vow to stay out of trouble and focus on skating. The drug team showed he had enough troubles to contend with, without her complicating his life even more.

This thing between them, as good as it was, jeopardized all of it.

“It’s made me think, too. I shouldn’t have doubted you. But you were right, this needs to end. It’s not fair to either one of us to jeopardize what we’ve been working for our whole lives.”

“But I love you!”

Twenty-four hours ago, she would have been elated to hear him say it. Today it only made her sadder. “We aren’t good for each other. There’s too much at stake and if we’re distracted, it will ruin everything.”

“That’s ridiculous! There’s room in my life for you and skating!”

She saw the doubt in his eyes. The drug team’s visit had unnerved him, and for good reason. Even if he was clean, he was not a favorite of his federation. The slightest controversy could destroy his career. He had to stay out of trouble, and she stood in the way.

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said softly. “I’ve never been in love, never wanted to be. Always because I feared getting hurt, or that I would hurt someone else. And it’s exactly what happened.”

“I meant it when I said I don’t blame you. I take responsibility for every mistake I made. But it’s gone too far, and now I have to act before it’s too late.”

“Tabitha!” Peter’s sharp voice echoed in the corridor. “Thank God, I’ve been looking everywhere. A dozen reporters want to talk to you.” He approached, pulled a packet of tissues from his pocket and handed her one. “I can see you’re in no shape to talk to them.”

Tabitha dabbed her eyes and blew her nose. “I will be. I just need a moment.”

Her coach nodded and turned a cold eye to Daniil. “I’m Peter Flanagan, Tabitha’s coach.”

“I’m Daniil Andreev.” He extended his hand.

Peter didn’t take it. “I know who you are.”

---