Page 68 of The Five Stages of Courting Dalisay Ramos

“Yikes,” Evan says, then again: “Yikes!” He takes a sip of wine from his own glass.

“It was horrible,” Dalisay says miserably. Her cheeks feel hot and crusty from all the crying she did on the way over.

The two of them were supposed to have a romantic night together, with him making pasta from scratch, dining over candlelight, then inevitably falling into bed together, but she’s never felt less in the mood for romance.

Dalisay’s lower lip quivers. She stares at her plate without seeing it at all. All she can see now is Nicole’s heartbrokenface. “Daniel tried talk to Mom, but she wouldn’t listen. And when Nicole finally got home later, they had this huge blowout argument. Nicole kept saying this is who she is, but Mom doesn’t want to listen. Either Nicole goes back in the closet and never talks about it again, or she moves out.”

Evan asks softly, “What is she going to do?”

Dalisay shrugs. “She was crying so hard. She could barely talk. I’m not sure.”

Evan sighs and rubs his chin and nods. “Does she need a place to stay? I can convert the office. I’ve got a cot and some blankets.”

Dalisay shakes her head. “It’s one thing that she’s gay, it’s another thing entirely if she stays at an unmarried man’s house. Alone.”

“Fair,” Evan says. “The offer still stands anyway.”

Dalisay stares at the untouched plate of spaghetti in front of her. “You know how my mom is. She has this vision of the future, a vision that might as well be prophecy, set in stone, and when anything changes, it’s hard for her to adjust.”

“No, I understand.” Does he? He sounds more resigned than anything. She shakes her head, clearing it.

“It’s just not fair,” she says. She’s repeated those same words over and over, like a mantra, but it changes nothing. “Nicole and Claire can still be together, but they can never … betogether. Not like us. Nicole has to keep hiding who she is from the world.” A tear tickles her cheek, and she brushes it away.

Evan takes Dalisay’s hand and squeezes, comforting her. Dalisay wishes it were only that easy. As a fixer, this is one problem she can’t do anything about. Nicole’s worst fear hascome true, and it is all Dalisay’s fault for suggesting it in the first place.

“I don’t know what to do,” she says. “I told Nicole this was a good idea. I thought, maybe, because it’s her, everyone would be happy that she’s happy. But …” Dalisay tucks in her lips, trying to stop herself from crying. It’s starting to hurt from holding her breath, but she’s afraid it might turn into a sob.

Evan squeezes her hand again, stands up, and comes around the table. He kneels in front of her. “It’s okay,” he says. “It’s not your fault. You can’t control what other people think.”

“But I thought I was helping,” Dalisay says. “And now I think Nicole hates me.” When Nicole came home, she couldn’t even look at Dalisay. She might as well have been invisible. “This is all my fault.”

“Nicole can’t hate you!” Evan kisses the tears that have fallen down her cheeks and brushes what’s left away with his thumb. He’s so gentle, and soft, and Dalisay secretly wishes he’d stop because otherwise she might really start crying again. He looks at her, steadily, and says, “Your mom is just intolerant. No one can change her mind.”

Dalisay flinches at the word “intolerant.” He’s not entirely wrong, but the way he says it makes Dalisay feel that he thinks lesser of them somehow. Something in her snaps, and she lashes out. “Please, stop judging her.”

“I’m not judging!”

Dalisay turns her head, breaking Evan’s touch on her skin, and he pulls his hand back.

Evan licks his lips, flustered. “I’m saying I think it’s pretty shitty to threaten to ostracize your kid over being gay.”

“Family iseverything, and it doesn’t just mean relatives. She’s worried that Nicole will become a pariah in the entirecommunity. No one will speak to her, no one will accept her. She’s trying to protect her, in her own way.”

“So it’s right that she’s acting like this? Being cruel?”

“Of course not! But I can’t let you criticize my family when you have no idea what you’re talking about. Just because you have American values doesn’t mean everyone else automatically does.”

Evan looks taken aback. After a beat, he stands up and goes to the sink, his back turned to her. She can see his shoulders tense up as he holds his breath and slowly lets it out. She can tell he’s thinking hard about what to say next.

Dalisay shudders, suppressing this gnawing ache growing in her belly, and she can’t stop the tears as they flow.

“I don’t know how to help,” he finally says. “I want to understand, but at the same time, I can’t pretend like that’s okay. I can’t imagine doing that to my own kids.”

“You don’t get it,” she says.

Evan spins around, pleading. “I’m trying! I care about you! I hate seeing you like this.”

“It’s not just this,” she says. “It’s like we’re on two different frequencies.”

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