Page 62 of The Five Stages of Courting Dalisay Ramos

After her dad died, her mom put on a brave face for the family, but Dalisay knew that it was a struggle to navigate life with the gaping hole that was her father’s absence. But would she be able to accept Nicole’s queerness?

“I think you’re a good friend-slash-coworker,” says Pinky. “You care enough to worry about her. I think it’s sweet.”

Dalisay tries to smile, but she’s not sure it’s enough. She doesn’t know what else to do.

Pinky’s aunt Tala returns, Nicole still absent. Dalisay spots her in the backyard winding up cords of lights that will be used at the funeral.

“I think this coworker friend of yours should be honest with her parents,” Aunt Tala says, grabbing two sodas from the fridge. “Better to face the music than lie and sneak around. That ismuchmore disrespectful to one’s parents than being in love with the wrong person.”

Dalisay’s stomach twists uncomfortably.Is it?

“Staying in the closet isn’t lying,” Pinky says. “It’s different. No one owes anyone else the intimate details about their sexuality.”

Tala shrugs. “Family is the most important. It should come first. Everyone knows that.”

Tala and Pinky argue about it while Dalisay watches Nicole outside as she closes the boxes and carries them around to the driveway, loading them into a car. Dalisay would do anything for her.

Pinky is fed up with the argument with her aunt. She throws her hands in the air. “If a family’s love is conditional, what’s the point? Being gay shouldn’t matter.”

“Family is all we have left in the end,” says Tala.

Later, Dalisay drives them home. Nicole has her feet kicked up on the dashboard and Dalisay swipes at her boots.

“Sorry,” Nicole says. “Habit.”

A smile twitches Dalisay’s lips. Nicole’s always been one to do things her own way. “Hey, are you happy?” Dalisay asks.

Nicole looks at her, tilting her head. “Yeah … Why?”

“No, are youhappy?” She’s trying to lean on the word, trying to emphasize the point she’s trying to make, if Claire makes her feel good.

Nicole blinks a few times, then disgust wipes across her face. “Oh! Christ, Dalisay! Is that your way of asking if I’mgay?”

Dalisay nearly jerks the wheel into oncoming traffic. “Oh no! No! I didn’t mean it—”

“Well, that’s how it sounds!”

“I swear!” Dalisay says, holding out a hand. “I didn’t! I’m only asking if you’re satisfied with how you’re feeling!”

Nicole stares at her for a long second, her lips pulled into a sneer, but she scoffs and shakes her head, looking out the window to the dark night.

The silence between them is growing larger, swelling like an ocean, and Dalisay is caught in a riptide. It’s pulling her even farther away from Nicole. She can’t give up.

“Listen,” she starts, “about the baby shower …”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Dalisay presses her lips together and taps her fingers on the steering wheel. “Claire seems—”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Will you ever? I can’t pretend I don’t know.”

“Try,” snaps Nicole.

Dalisay takes in a sharp breath. If she pushes too hard now, Nicole will shut her down. She taps on the steering wheel again and decides it’s time to close the gap between them. Enough not talking. “I saw you two, you and Claire, at the hospital.”

Nicole goes rigid, staring out the window.

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