Page 82 of Something in Between

I try to tell her, but it’s hard. I can feel my cheeks burn and my throat is suddenly dry. I force myself to spit it out. “I found out I’m undocumented,” I whisper. “I was born in the Philippines, but I always thought my family had green cards. It turns out they don’t. My parents told me we’re here illegally.” My eyes begin to water.

“Oh dear. I wasn’t expecting that,” Mrs. Garcia says. She gets up from her desk, comes over, and puts an arm around me. “I’m so sorry to hear that. When did you find out?”

I take a deep breath and try to control myself. “When I got the National Scholarship,” I confess. “I can’t accept it. I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

“Oh, Jasmine, I’m sorry too,” she says, and she removes her glasses. She wipes her eyes as well.

I feel terrible. I know how proud she was of me. I’m her top student.

“I’m so glad you told me. That’s an awful burden to keep to yourself,” she says.

I nod and take a few more tissues. “I feel so alone. And I’m scared everyone will judge me if they know. Like they won’t want me here.”

“Is that how the people who know acted when you’ve told them?” Mrs. Garcia asks.

“No,” I admit. Sniffling, I wipe my nose with my sleeve when the box runs out of tissues. “You don’t think I’ll get in trouble with ICE?”

Mrs. Garcia rummages in her desk for more tissues and hands me a new box. “There are lots of kids who go to this school—and thousands of kids in LA alone—who are undocumented. The sheer number makes it impossible for ICE to deport everyone. You’re a good kid. They’re not going to bother you.”

She’s right. I’ve read the statistics of how many undocumented immigrants there are in California, but they didn’t seem real to me. They just seemed like numbers, not people. And talking to Mrs. Garcia is the first time that I really understand there are a lot of people out there facing what I’m going through. I’m not the only one. Or the first. And definitely not the last.

The tears start to well up again. How could I be so self-centered?

Mrs. Garcia puts a hand on my shoulder. “Just let it out,” she says.

I do. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” I really don’t. I feel like a ghost in my own country. No matter what I do, I feel like I’m fading, like I’m becoming a shadow. I’m trying really hard to hang on, but I’m not sure I can. “But I wanted to tell you, in case you had any ideas for colleges that give out loans to people like me.”

Mrs. Garcia goes back to her desk and looks relieved that she has a task. “I’ll start looking into it. There’s got to be something for such a talented kid like you.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Garcia. I hope so.”

* * *

At the next practice, Coach Davis calls the squad together for an emergency meeting. She has a big announcement concerning me. Mrs. Garcia made me promise to tell Coach Davis.Your coach and your team can be a support system for you.

Everyone is gathered together in their street clothes, chatting and laughing. Seeing them reminds me of how I let them down at Regionals. At the same time, I realize, all of these girls are my sisters. The entire team is family. This, I realize, is my American family. Lexie. Deandra. Emily. Anabel. Natalia. Taylor. Rosa. Kayla. We’d do anything for each other. But even though my sisters and I love each other, I don’t know what will happen when they find out the truth about me.

When I told Coach Davis, I barely got a response. She said, “Okay,” and then, “Let’s go,” and we walked down the hall into the gym.

Coach Davis takes me in front of the entire team. “Sorry I’m late, girls, but your captain came to me with an important issue.”

“Is she on her period?” Deandra says. “If one more of us syncs up...”

Several of the girls laugh.

I’m terrified. I wish my period were my problem right now.

“It’s nothing like that,” Coach Davis says. “It’s serious, Deandra.”

Deandra’s always funny. But she sees this is business and quickly apologizes. “Sorry, Coach.”

Coach Davis waits for the girls to quiet down. She clears her throat.

I want to die inside a little, but I stand strong, because the team expects that of me.

“I want to say to you something that I’ve said before,” Coach Davis says. “All of you girls need to lean on each other. You have to share your problems. Rely on your teammates to help you out. Don’t you?”

“Yes,” Kayla and a few of the others say.

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