Page 116 of Something in Between

I hadn’t thought about that at all. I can’t even imagine bringing that up to my parents. Am I too driven? I guess I’m not like other American kids in some ways.

“No,” I laugh. “I’m looking forward to college. Even if I do have to go in the Philippines.”

“You know, I have to say I’m a little excited to see what happens to you. In my opinion, Jasmine, whether you go to college or move back to the Philippines, you’re going to win either way.”

“How’s that?” I say. “It’s not what I want.”

“I know it’s not. But in my fantasy world I think, hey, you get to see some of the world. Look where you’ll be. You’ll see places most of us only dream of. And with your experiences and knowledge, you could still be whatever you were driven to become. Only now, when you’re a big lawyer or whatever you end up being, you’ll have an entirely different perspective on things. It’s really not as bad if you think of it that way.”

“I’ll have to digest all of that,” I say. This is what I like about Lo. She makes me think differently, consider other options. “To be honest, I’m just trying to keep my head above water.”

Julian returns. We both wait for him to say something. In typical Julian style he sits and starts tinkering with his guitar without telling us what Dylan said.

“Julian,” Lo says.

He looks up. “What?”

“What did Dylan say?”

“Oh yeah. He said it’s cool. He doesn’t care. Or—I mean, I think he cares about her, but he’s pretending not to. You know? It’s a guy thing.”

Lo playfully slaps him on the shoulder. “Was that so hard?”

“I forgot, all right? We started talking about tour stuff.” Julian smiles.

“Like what?”

“Like how Jasmine is going to hook us up with gigs in the Philippines once she gets the boot.”

We all start laughing. It’s kind of funny, imagining their band playing some big party in Manila. They would look so out of place.

“I’m serious!” Julian says.

“I know,” I say. “At least you’re planning to come visit me.”

* * *

That weekend Royce takes me to his parents’ house in Malibu, just the two of us, and it’s just as romantic as it sounds. My parents don’t try to stop me. They know I’m with him. They seem resigned to the fact that I have a life outside our house and a boyfriend.

We decide to grill on the deck overlooking the ocean and as I watch the hamburgers cook, it strikes me how different Royce’s life will be from mine if I have to move back to the Philippines. Thinking of what Lo said earlier, I tell him I’ll take him swimming in the pristine aquamarine waters of Boracay, or rafting down the Puerto Princesa Subterreanean River, or hiking up the emerald green Banaue Rice Terraces.

I try to remind myself to not be so negative about my native country. Despite the poverty and the government corruption, the Philippines is a place of such natural beauty. Reminding myself of these things helps me face the fact that I may be leaving the United States right after graduation.

“Look, Jas, I’ll come to the Philippines for sure,” he says. “But it won’t be because you’ll be living there. We’ll go together, because I want to see the country where you were born. And I’ll be taking you back home to America.”

I don’t disagree, because I know it makes him too upset to even think about the alternative. Also, I don’t want him to burn the hamburgers. Instead, I put my arms around his back. He turns around to face me and we start kissing, getting a little carried away as usual.

The hamburgers burn. Oops.

40

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.

I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.

—LOUISA MAY ALCOTT

ON MONDAY Itell Kayla the good news. “Are you serious?” Kayla says, banging on the metal as she tries to pop open her gym locker. “I can go to the party?”

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