Page 96 of David's Love

Elizabeth is not much older than Julie, which is questionable if you think about it, but that begs the question. Is Elizabeth one of those people who don’t believe in marriage?

Now that I think about it… Why wouldn’t she be?

For a second, I’m contemplating that possibility and swiftly tense up.

I never thought about that in serious terms.

What if she thinks exactly like Julie?

What’s in it for them, anyway?

What was in it for me when I got married?

A long while ago, I optimistically thought marriage was the beginning of a well-lived life.

I wanted to marry Anne.

And I thought she wanted the same thing.

We talked about it. We had plans for it. We knew we were young, but we didn’t want to waste time and think about us with frivolity.

We wanted to do the right thing.

And then things fell apart. And my new view of marriage was shaped up by that event.

So, when I married Samantha––aside from doing it out of revenge––I thought very little about the institution of marriage.

That’s why I did it how I did it.

Our marriage was transactional, and I was cold about it. There were no feelings, a metaphysical connection, or a joyful life waiting to happen.

I was dispassionate and calculated, and Samantha was the same. A match made in hell.

Strangely, I’ve never thought about this aspect––that Elizabeth might not be a fan of marriage––until now.

Yes, I’ve seen a handful of marriages that worked well and meant what they were supposed to mean.

But somehow, it didn’t concern me because I wasn’t interested in marriage and hadn’t considered remarrying at any point in my life.

And despite feeling differently about Elizabeth, I didn’t want to go there and seriously think about it.

But what if this is the case here?

What if she hates the idea?

I’m sure she hasn’t even thought about it.

We just had this conversation about her life changing because of me, and she wasn’t thrilled with the idea.

To say that she works for me is a stretch, and we both know it.

This is not about working for me. It’s about being together and protecting her.

Marriage is not even… We’re not even close to considering… Oh. Fuck.

We might crash and burn before even getting there.

“What’s so bad about it?” I ask with a tinge of dark humor in my voice, avoiding her eyes and squeezing the back of my neck with a tense hand.

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