Page 93 of David's Love

It didn’t look like she was.

And for a while, as I was licking my wounds, I tried to imagine she was remorseful and perhaps longing for me the way I'd been longing for her.

I thought we were bound to each other. And we were––at least in my view––but our connection was more of a liability than the warm transcending of an everlasting feeling.

The time of questioning her motives has long passed. She did what she thought was right for her while I took that gnawing pain and morphed it into ice.

I built walls around my heart and decorated them with frozen snippets of my past to remember what I was in for. That’s how I entered my marriage.

My fingers peel away from the delicate stems before I set them down, straighten, and slide my hands into my pockets.

“How is life over there?” I ask quietly, not expecting an answer, a faint smile tugging at my lips.

A cold gust of wind makes a go for my eyes, and I feel the prickle of tears. I tilt my head to the side and look away to protect them from the biting chill.

And also to ignore my memories.

“I’m sure you know Julie is doing good,” I say, moving my focus to the tombstone.

My stare goes blank as I look beyond the grayish stone, the letters of her name dancing in front of my eyes.

She never wanted to take his name after getting married, and that was another sign that she was never one hundred percent his.

This thought had kept me sane for a long time. Now, it means nothing to me.

A healed heart is a good home that needs no shutters.

“She’s just like you,” I continue, smiling. “Bright. And brutally honest. Loyal.”

I stop, my lips quivering a little.

If she were here, Anna would tip her head to the side and lift an eyebrow at me.

She wouldn’t accept a trivial lie like this.

She herself admitted that she hadn’t been loyal to me.

But Julie is.

And I hope she stays that way.

“I, um… I also met someone.”

I pause.

“I know it doesn’t matter. It’s never mattered to you, but I wanted you to know that. It took me a long time, didn’t it?”

A quiet, saddened chuckle peels off my lips.

“Remember when you said that I’d find someone else fast? I didn’t want you to say that. I wasn’t interested in someone else. You wanted me to get angry with you, and it worked. I still don’t know if it helped you in any way. It didn’t help me, for sure. At any rate… I couldn’t find someone else as fast as you had thought I would, and I made peace with that. But things are different now, and I’m thankful for that. Good things always are worth the wait.”

I go silent, a fist of tension blocking my throat.

“I still miss you, Anna. I still think you were one of the best things that could come to me, despite everything bad that happened between us. But now… Now, I’m ready to move on and live what you and I could never had. I’m no longer angry or resentful. I think things happened the way they did for a reason. You touched my soul. And I touched yours. I still have Julie as you have turned into a beloved memory.”

With that, I say my most truthful goodbye to her and leave the cemetery.

DAVID

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