Page 92 of David's Love

It started this afternoon when I left my office after a meeting with James and Ed, and now the snowflakes glide over the trees before landing quietly on the ground.

I pop my collar and let the snow sweep my cheekbones with a tenderness that’s hard to match.

The flowers I hold look like timeless art, quivering under the cold breath of the wind.

My heart aches for the crushing finality of their life.

Wilting in solitude and getting scattered by the wind.

Beautiful in life and death. As beautiful as she was.

I set the flowers down, my eyes sliding over the name on the tombstone.

Anna Keegan.

Anna… Dear Anna.

She and I were not on visiting terms for a while.

Her sudden death made me angry, and I couldn’t explain to myself why.

I was angry with her before that.

I was angry with her when she broke up with me like the coward that she was. I was fuming when I learned the reason she did that.

And then I was angry because she gave him what she didn’t want to give me.

Knowing her was a painful lifetime lesson that affected every woman in my life. Deep down inside, I knew I couldn’t trust any of them.

I knew they were not to be trusted.

Or so I thought.

That was one lesson I wish I didn’t have to learn.

I was angry because she turned out to be a shattered dream, a costly illusion, and a well of uncertainty I almost drowned in.

And then I was angry when I said 'I do' to another woman, but not as angry as I was when she said 'I do' to another man.

We had such a complicated story, and her premature death didn’t simplify anything. It made things worse.

But time has softened her existence in my memory and let her live beyond the veil.

In time, I learned that all of us are prone to making these mistakes.

She was no different, and I made a lot of mistakes, too.

It was like I made them to show her I wasn’t any better.

In reality, I needed the pain from my wrongdoings to drown out the ache fueled by her indifference.

After she gave me a mortal blow, I couldn’t find my peace.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t grab her attention.

She wasn’t jealous. Or curious. Or angry.

Sadly, she wasn’t even in love with him.

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