Page 130 of David's Love

You hated me so much.

And hate never tasted that good.

Your hate left bruises on my lips, my neck, my arms.

Your hate made me think about that night like the best night we ever had.

Your hate gave me Julie, David. And I am so grateful for her.

Things had to stay the way they were.

We couldn’t make this work if you had known the truth.

The truth is mine and only mine, and it might be selfish to say that, and you might crucify me for this. And you would be well within your right to do that, but I had to keep this to myself and not mess with her head.

I didn’t hook up with Ned because he was better than you.

He wasn’t.

I didn’t accept his proposal because I wanted his money and a stable life.

Although it mattered.

I know you could’ve given me all that at some point.

But with you away, I was miserable all the time.

I couldn’t sleep, eat, work, and see about my life.

A part of me was always someplace else.

My nights were full of fear and tears as I was thinking something bad might happen to you. I couldn’t even consider that.

Life without you made no sense to me.

Life with you gone would’ve meant the end of me.

Maybe you were right when you said that Ned spotted an opportunity and exploited it.

Yes, maybe you were right.

But he was peace where you were war. And I couldn’t even blame you for it.

That’s how you were, my beautiful war.

That’s why I fell in love with you.

It hurt so deeply when you broke away and ended up with that woman. I got your message. Just so you know. I knew exactly why you did it. It also spoke of how much pain I’d put in you. And for that, there are no words to express my sorrow.

Money is money, David.

It’s all the same in the end.

Sometimes, it buys us peace and calmness.

Something, it buys us hell.

I wanted some peace.

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