Page 112 of Of Flames and Fallacies

I nearly run out the door, fumbling with my shirt to try and tuck it into my pants as I go. I can’t get out fast enough, and I can’t think straight. Racing to my room, I enter and shut the door, sinking down to my heels. I stare wide eyed across my room at the opposite wall.

Oh, fuck. Oh gods. What is wrong with me? What in the fuck was that…

I bury my head into my hands. My mind reels, searching for answers, but I come up empty handed every time. I’m taken aback by how easily I slipped. Disappointed in my lack of self-composure. I should have at least tried to take the map. I smack my cheek for not considering it sooner. It’s far too late to sneak back in to get it.

“Are you okay?”

Daeja’s voice makes me nearly jump out of my skin.

“No. I mean...yes. I…”I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know, Daeja. I fucked up. I just made a huge mistake.”

“I’m right here,”she murmurs.

“Where?”Panic laces my voice. My breathing speeds up as realization settles around me. Last I saw her, she was just outside of camp.

“I went back to the lake as you asked. It’s okay. Take a deep breath.”

“Okay...okay.”I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands as I process the events from the last few hours until I realize...shit. Pennyroyal. I need pennyroyal.

“I need to grab something from the healer’s quadrant.”

“I won’t leave without you.”

I scramble to my feet. If I’m still going to try to leave for the Dragon Lands, I should at least take a contraceptive. My heart thunders in my chest as I slip out of my room and out into camp. I can’t help but throw a glance over my shoulder at Darian’s room before I go. The slim possibility of running into Cole this late at night has me profusely sweating. I manage to make it to the healer’s quadrants unseen and begin to pick through what herbs we have on the counter.

Fuck. We are out of pennyroyal.

Before I can panic, I turn to the shelves and begin to sift through bottles and vials. “Where is the godsdamned pennyroyal—”

“What are you doing here this late at night, Katerina?” a voice calls from behind me.

I whirl, not moving fast enough to conceal the vial I’m gripping onto as if it may save my very life. Part of me eases when I make out Marge’s hunched silhouette. But the shadows cover her expression, and she stands in the doorway eerily still. My skin prickles as if caressed by her gaze.

Did she happen to catch what I said about the pennyroyal?I swallow, unable to come up with a good reason as to why I might be here so late at night. The thought of explaining my reason to her is both mortifying and terrifying.

Thankfully, she doesn’t allow me more than a few seconds to answer.

“If you’re looking for pennyroyal, we’re out. Soldiers tend tocelebratewhen they realize how close they’ve come to dying. We need to restock our supplies tomorrow. You’ll be fine to wait until morning.”

I nod, clearing my throat as I place the vial back on its shelf. The thought of waiting until tomorrow morning has my stomach working in knots. I dip my head, and she holds the door open for me as I shuffle out. I slip out of camp, beyond the crumbling wall to the forest.

I meet Daeja near the lake, and she nudges my elbow up, lifting my arm into the air so she can slide herself against me and settles her muzzle into the crook of my chest. Her gentle breath slows my own.

After a few quiet moments, I climb onto her back and settle between her neck and shoulders. Without a word, she takes to the skies.

She doesn’t ask. She doesn’t say anything.

I remember her telling me before she could feel what I felt. Does she feel the shame eating at me, like a vulture feasting on a corpse? Does the guilt I feel rip into her like talons of a predator, leaving nothing left but a carcass of bone and blood? The thought of such a heavy emotion bleeding into her own self-consciousness plummets me into more guilt.

“Don’t.”

She glides over the lake, and the smallest morsel of peace settles over me. Up in the vastness of the night sky, I’m reminded of how small and insignificant I am. It dulls theoverwhelming emotions consuming me like a rabid animal I can’t control.

How did I ever get through the loss of my brother or my mother? Or the failure of saving the little girl in Hornwood? The more I think about it, perhaps I never did process the pain. Perhaps it all still lingers in the back of my mind, and it always will. Yet, the things I struggle with now feel so trivial in comparison. So self-inflicted. As I gaze down at Daeja’s muscled neck and brush my hands across her scales—it clicks.

Sheis my gravity. The one constant thing securing me to this earth, despite doing the complete opposite—soaring through the crisp night air. With every heartache and failure, she’s been there all along.

My gaze floats up toward the scenery ahead of us. The jagged mountaintops of Dragon’s Back Ridge stretch into the star-studded sky like angry claws reaching for the heavens. The border between us and the Dragon Lands. All we have to do is go north.

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