Page 77 of The Problem with Players

“Hey, sweet friend,” I said as I opened his gate. “Remember me?” I walked over and picked up his brush. He pressed his face to my hand. I smiled as I began to pat him. “I know. I missed you, too.”

As I began to brush him, a wave of peace washed over me. Something about Lightning made me feel so safe and serene. He was a massive horse, yet nothing was terrifying about that beautiful animal. He felt like coming home, and the way he showed me so much love with his nuzzling of my hand almost made my eyes tear up.

I brushed him for a few minutes before Laurelin walked over. She had that same grin on her face as she crossed her arms. “He still doesn’t let anyone ride him except for Nathan. To this day, you and Nate are the only two who Lightning would let saddle up.”

“I doubt he’d let me now. It’s been years.”

“The time doesn’t matter,” she said. “It’s clear he’s happy to see you. Maybe you could try to ride him when it’s not so yucky outside. I think he’d like that.”

“I’d like that, too,” I said as I placed down his brush.

Laurelin leaned against the gate and nodded toward me. “I’m not sure how to bring this up without just bringing it up, but acting like I don’t know when I do feels wrong.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to hear about what happened last weekend with the wedding.”

My heart skipped a few beats. “Thank you.”

“Is it silly to ask if you’re doing okay?”

“It’s not silly. I’m not really sure how I’m even doing. Theweekend was hard, but your son helped me out a lot. I’m taking it day by day.”

“That’s all we can do, sweetheart. Take it day by day. I’m glad Nathan was there for you.”

Me too.

I shifted slightly as I crossed my arms. “I will not be in y’all’s hair too much on the farm, I swear. I’m getting my footing. As soon as a place opens at the apartment complex in town, I’ll sign a lease and stay there.”

“Avery, don’t be silly. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need.Mi casa es su casa,” she sang, winking my way. “Besides, as a mama bear, it makes me happy to know Nathan isn’t living alone. The twins all have each other, and they lean into that. I worry about my eldest boy sometimes. I worry that he might be a bit of a workaholic in order to avoid the real issue that’s eating at him.”

“What issue is that?”

“That he’s lonely.” Her eyes flashed with a moment of sadness. “Nothing breaks a mama’s heart more than knowing that one of their kids struggles with loneliness, but I know Nathan isn’t doing much to put himself out there. That was why I pushed him to check out getting a coaching position at the high school.”

“That was your idea?”

“Sure was.” She placed a hand against my arm. “I hope I didn’t cause any trouble. I just know you two used to be so close when you worked on the farm all those years ago. I thought it might be nice if you two could reconnect.”

“Oh no. It’s fine.” She didn’t know about Nathan and me and the way we fell for one another. From her point of view, we were two kids who would sometimes laugh together. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Oh good. I think it’s good for him to be back on the field. I figured if he could get a grip on something he loved doing, hewould start to wake up from this deep slumber he’s been walking around in.”

“You think he’s in a slumber?”

“I know he is. He doesn’t talk about being sad much. He’s too manly to do such a thing. But I see it in his eyes. It’s like he’s moving through life but not living it. The other boys say I’m just overthinking it and being too motherly, but I don’t know. My heart,” she said, patting her hand over her chest. “My heart feels his sadness.”

I didn’t say anything because what could be said? Was Nathan really sad? I didn’t notice that, but maybe that was because he was so good at putting on a brave face. Did he feel things deeply, like me, during his lonely moments? Did he ever struggle to get out of bed, too? Did he fill his days with helping others to avoid helping himself?

There was an odd tug at my heart as I listened to Laurelin talk about Nathan. Instant guilt hit me, too, because I didn’t make the transition of his coming to join the team as a coach easy for him. If anything, I’d been a pain toward him, questioning every decision he made. In reality, he was using the baseball diamond and the coaching position the same way I’d been. He’d been using that place and its facilities to help him breathe.

I was such an asshat, and it was clear that Nathan deserved my apology, yet I wasn’t exactly sure how to give it to him. I couldn’t tell him what his mom revealed to me. That felt like a conversation meant to be kept between Laurelin and me. Still, I knew I’d been too harsh toward him. Especially after all he’d done for me over the past weekend.

“He’s doing better, though,” Laurelin mentioned as she gently petted Lightning. “I’ve been to your home games lately, and he looks like himself out there. He’s not so uptight and business-forward. It’s nice to see him let his hair down andhave fun again. So I guess I owe you a thank-you for making space for him on your staff.”

I pushed out a grin that was soaked in guilt. “Not a problem at all. We’re lucky to have him.”

That was a fact, too. Undoubtedly, the team was performing exceptionally well since Nathan joined the crew. He had a level of heart and intelligence that I didn’t possess, and seeing the guys excel from his coaching made it more difficult for me to complain about…anything.

Later that night, Nathan came back to the house. He walked around a bit, clearing his throat as if he had a frog trapped in there.

I arched an eyebrow toward him as I sat on his living room couch. “Are you getting sick?”

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