Page 54 of The Problem with Players

“What secret?”

“That sometimes I’m so sad I want to run away from everything.”

Why was I telling him this? Why was my mind buzzing so much, and why did I feel as if I were still underwater, drowning in my sadness? And why was I showing this part of myself to Nathan?

That was why I didn’t drink.

When I drank, I became too truthful.

When I drank, my reality slipped out.

He placed the glass of water on the coffee table before turning back to me and placing a hand on my kneecap. “Should I be worried about you, Coach?”

“No. I’m the strong one, remember? No one worries about the strong one. The strong one worries about everyone else. We take care of others. We don’t get taken care of.”

“I’ll take care of you.”

Tears began streaming down my cheeks as I stared into his eyes. The sincerest looking eyes I’d ever seen. The same sincere eyes I’d once loved.

“I don’t believe you,” I whispered, not even trying to stop the tears from falling. I was too drunk, too heartbroken to even care that I was being vulnerable, which meant I was treading on very dangerous territory. The last time I was vulnerable—truly vulnerable—was with…well, him.

Over seventeen years ago.

Was that right?

Seventeen years of not feeling that deeply with another human being?

Wesley was right.

I was hard to love.

“Why don’t you believe me?” he asked. His concern made my whole body break out into shakes.

“Because.” I wrapped my arms around my body becauseself-comfort was the only thing I could think of doing. “You said you’d take care of me before, but you still left.”

I saw it—the heartbreak that flashed through his eyes. The hurt that almost swallowed him whole from the truth I chose to say. I hated that I was crying, but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t stop the tears from gliding down my cheeks at an annoying speed.

I was drunk.

And sad.

And drunkenly sad.

His hand caressed my cheek, and I shut my eyes. His fingers swallowed up the tears that kept flowing. “Ave…if I could go back in time, I would’ve never left you. I’ve regretted that decision every single day of my life.”

“Then why?” I asked.

“Why what?”

I opened my eyes and stared into his. “Why didn’t you ever come back? I needed you, Nathan. I needed you to come back for me. And I waited, and waited, and, oh my gosh…” Reality stumbled back into me as a moment of soberness snuck in. I shook his touch away from my skin and hopped up from his couch. “What am I doing? I can’t do this. I can’t…” Oh, gosh.Pull your drunk self together, Avery.“We can’t do this, Nathan.”

He stood. “Do what?”

“This,” I urged, gesturing between us. “We can’t be close like this. Physically and mentally. Especially when I’m drunk and sad. Especially on my wedding day.”

“Why not?”

“Because we aren’t us anymore. We haven’t been us for seventeen years. And we can’t be us. Not again.”

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