Page 51 of The Problem with Players

We would’ve exchanged ourvows.

Wesley would’ve cried.

I wouldn’t have.

He would’ve said, “I do.”

I would’ve said, “I do,” too.

Our reception would’ve been starting any second now.

We would’ve been introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Gable.

The room would’ve erupted into cheers.

There would’ve been cake cutting and dancing.

We’d be eating top-of-the-line food because Alex would’ve only prepared the best of the best.

There would’ve been a hot dog food truck for late-night snacks because I had an unnatural love for hot dogs.

Drew would’ve insulted me somehow, but I wouldn’t care because I would’ve been drunk on prosecco and love.

We would’ve watched fireworks.

Wesley would’ve kissed me.

I would’ve kissed him back.

Yet a part of me would’ve wondered if I were happy. A part of me would’ve pondered if I made the right choice in going through with the marriage. We were good before Drew came into the picture. Well, we were okay. I did avoid accepting his proposal at first, but that was just because I had a fear of commitment. I loved him.

Right?

Yes.

Of course.

I loved him.

One hundred percent.

It was me who was hard to love, not Wesley.

Stop it, Avery. He literally left you on your wedding day.

My brain was trying its hardest to talk down my overthinking heart. Yet it was next to impossible for it to happen. The thing about one’s heart was that it felt so deeply, even if the brain told it to shut off.

I wanted to feelless.

I wanted my heart to stop beating, and the numbness that I told Nathan I felt to be true. I wanted to erase the tear that danced down my cheek from his memory so he wouldn’t know that I was still capable of feeling pain.

The jazz music played in the background as I allowed my face to slip under the water. I held my breath as I hovered beneath the water and bubbles as long as I could. I wanted to disappear for a moment. Escape to a land far, far away from reality. I wanted to turn off my emotions for a little while.

I wanted my hurting to just…stop.

The worst part of being human was emotions. I didn’t comprehend why we had to be able to feel. I hated feeling. I hated breathing. I hated Wesley.

No, I loved him.

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