Page 144 of The Problem with Players

“No,” I disagreed. “I know the opposite of love is hate.”

“No,” he replied with a headshake. “The opposite of love is indifference. The feeling of emptiness. That’s what the opposite of love is. Love allows you space to feel everything—joy, bliss, sorrow, and pain. Grief is love, Avery. Love and grief go hand in hand.”

“Why is that?”

“Because grief is the realization that you could care for another so deeply. That your heart could shatter a million ways, all due to how much you adored another. Being able to feel so deeply is a gift, baby girl. It’s the indifference, the inability to feel, that is the curse.”

“It’s scary to feel grief…”

“It’s even scarier to feel nothing.” He flicked his thumb against the bridge of his nose. “I once read a quote by a person named Jamie Anderson that said, ‘Grief is just love with no place to go.’ And I felt that deeply. Yet then I realized that the gift of grief is that there are still other types of love that surround you. When I had so much grief after losing your mother, I thought I had nowhere else to put said love, but then I saw it within you three girls. My love for her spread into the love I had for you. And don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t cancelout the love I have for your mother. That grief will always be a part of me, but the love from you girls…that refilled my tank. I think after all these years, that’s what you need, baby girl. You need a refill of your tank.”

I sniffled, knowing that Nathan had started to refill my empty tank over the past few months. Still, I was so scared that I created a leak in the tank because I was terrified of what would happen if that love went away again. “I’m scared of loving him, Daddy,” I quietly confessed.

“I know,” he agreed. “Tell me why.”

“Because…” Tears streamed down my cheeks as the reality settled in. “I think I’m so broken that no matter how hard I try to be enough for him, I’ll never live up to what he deserves. What if my love isn’t enough for him to stay?”

Daddy took a moment, taking in my words. He wasn’t one to speak out of turn without thinking his thoughts all the way through. Then his mouth parted, and he said, “I’ve sat in the stands at the home games this whole season, Avery. I didn’t watch the game, though. I watched Nathan watching you.” He gave me a small smile and wiped away my tears. “I’ve only been in love—real love—once in my life, with your mother. That kind of love doesn’t come around often; it’s rare. But I see it when he looks at you, sweetheart. His love for you is only growing with each passing day. Don’t run from something real just because you’re afraid of getting hurt or that you’re not good enough. Life is hard, and hearts do break, but those hearts can heal, too. Just don’t think that your heart needs to heal on its own when someone out there is interested in fixing it with you.”

I bit my bottom lip. “You think he’d stay through my lows?”

“Sweetheart…you’re in a low right now, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I saw him this whole game looking at you, baby girl. Healready stayed. He’s standing on the front porch waiting for you. It’s up to you to open up the door and let him back in.”

And there it was…

My turned-off heart began to beat slowly again.

“And for what it’s worth, Avery Harper Kingsley, you’re more than enough. Especially on the days when you don’t feel that way.”

“Thanks, Daddy.”

“Always.” He reached under the bleachers and pulled out a picnic basket. “Now. How about a victory PB and J sandwich?”

44

NATHAN

We won state.

The sun was already setting by the time we got home the next day.

I was exhausted but so proud of the team, so proud of Avery.

But even though I was proud, there was a heaviness that felt so hard to face reality with. The fact that we won and I still felt as if I’d lost was something so hard to come face-to-face with.

After being greeted by my family with a little dinner celebration at my mom’s house, I headed back to my place to find a surprise on my porch.

Avery.

I narrowed my eyes as I approached her. “Hey. What are you doing?—”

“Can we have an impromptu OSS meeting on your field?” she blurted out.

“What?”

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