Page 137 of The Problem with Players

His eyes widened as if I were speaking in a different language. “Like I said, it was a misunderstanding. Let me explain?—”

“No,” I spat out. “I don’t want your explanation. I want to leave.”

“Yes, Coach Reed offered me a position, but I’m going to turn it down.”

“Going to? So you made him think there was a chance? You’re considering it?”

“No, but in person, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and?—”

Tears.

They wanted so desperately to fall.

“Nathaniel, move,” I ordered as he continued to block the front door.

“Avery—”

“Move!” I shouted, my rage building more and more each second.

“You’re scared.”

“Excuse me?”

“Should I have told you last night? Yes. But it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, seeing how I had no plans of taking the job. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I fucked up with that.”

“Okay. Cool. Now move.”

“No. I won’t because you’re scared. You’re scared of this—of us—because we are getting serious. You’re trying to push me away before we can get closer because you’re scared.”

“Don’t tell me what I am!” I spat out. “The last thing I need is Nathaniel Pierce to tell me what I am!”

“You’re fucking scared, Avery!” he shouted, his hands tossing up in frustration as he paced the room. “You’re so fucking scared of being left that you are trying to run before that could happen again, and I get it. I fucking get it, but I’m not Wesley, Avery, and I’m not that fucked-up, scared kid that I was when I left before. I’m here. I’m solid,” he swore, pounding his hand against his chest. “I’m not leaving. So you can either be scared with me, and we work through this together, or you’ll have to be the one to walk because you don’t get to rewrite this story. You don’t get to go ten years down the road from now and tell the story that Nathan Pierce left you because I made a promise to you. I promised you I wouldn’t fucking do that. I’m staying, Ave. I’m standing here, and I’m staying.So fuck…just stay here with me, too.”

My mind was spinning as the words fell from his mouth. I could hear him, yet my thoughts wouldn’t allow his sentiments to stick. My mind was working too hard on trying to make me retreat because my messed-up thoughts were already certain he’d leave at some point. Maybe not today. But what about tomorrow?

Why wouldn’t he?

He left before.

Wesley left.

Mama left.

Maybe that was the one that cut the deepest. Maybe that was the one where my fear of abandonment truly took flight. Mama left me with nothing but trauma and a jaded mindset of what love could be because, in the end, that was what love did. It went away. Nothing in life was promised, and every human would leave this planet the same way—alone.

Even if I held on to Nathan for the rest of my life, there would be a day that I’d lose him, a day I’d have to let go, and Iwasn’t sure that my heart could take that. I wasn’t certain that I could face a realm where he’d left me.

So I’d leave first.

I’d pretend to be hard when weakness was all I felt.

“Better to leave now than ten years down the road,” I murmured, my voice shaking from fear.

“What happened to heart over head?”

“I realized that was a stupid way to live,” I replied.

The flash of pain that hit his eyes almost made my own eyes cry. I’d never seen him look as broken as he had at that very moment. He swallowed hard and stepped to the side of the door, making a clear path for me to leave. “Just like that, huh?” he asked.

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