I feared when life seemed good because I always seemed to wait for the other shoe to drop. So nothing could betoogood for me. I lived in a constant state of pessimism, even though life seemed good. But lately, things have been good. Great, even.
The other day, the apartment complex in town told me they had an apartment coming available. I told them I wasn’t interested because I didn’t hate the idea of staying with Nathan on the farm. I felt like my best self at Honey Farms. Nathan and I were closer than ever. There wasn’t a night when I fell asleep without being in his arms.
The team was on a roll, too. We’d been winning game after game, and the crowds in the stands grew each week. With us being in the playoffs, a ton of eyes were on our team. I didn’t expect the season to take such a dramatic shift, but it had. I was not one to complain about it, seeing how my guys were all getting noticed by scouts. Their names were now entering rooms with higher-ups who could change their lives for the better.
Nathan, Cameron, Adam, and I were off to Prest University in two weeks to meet with their baseball team. Prest University! I couldn’t think of a better match for Cameron.
It was impossible for me not to admit all of this was due to Nathan. He was such an asset to the team, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for him joining us.
Due to his Major League success, the Honey Creek Hornets were making nationwide coverage. Just last week, there was a segment about the team onGood Morning America, and we went viral on TikTok, landing on baseballtok and booktok. I didn’t see how those two things crossed paths, but it seemed to have been a great way to get our team’s name out to a wider audience.
Unfortunately for me, with all eyes on us, came interviews.
I despised interviews.
On the other hand, Nathan was convinced that any press was good for the guys. The more we made our presence known, the more individuals would take notice of our players.
Everything was still going fine until one night after an annoying practice. After everyone left, I stayed on the field in the darkening night. The silence slicing through the space was a heavy contrast to the turmoil of noise racing through my head.
Then the other shoe dropped.
The glow of my phone screen illuminated the latest headline that came through of the last interview I did with Nathan. “Miracle Season or Male Influence? The Real Reason Beyond the Honey Creek Hornet’s Success.”
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach as I scrolled through the article, taking in every word.
Coach Kingsley’s coaching skills weren’t strong enough to carry the team alone. They hadn’t won a game in years. Perhaps having a woman coach a man’s sport is more trouble than anything.
Before two-time World Series-winning Nathan Pierce joined thestaff, the Honey Creek Hornets were dead on arrival. Without the addition of Coach Pierce, it’s sufficient to say that the team would still be down in the dumps.
If I thought the article was rough, the comments were even harsher.
Keep women out of our coaching positions.
Maybe she took a wrong turn on her way to the cheerleading practice.
It’s not a shock that someone who looks like her doesn’t know how to coach. It looks like she’d cry over a hangnail.
The air around me felt heavy, thick with unspoken doubts that were now being formed within my thoughts. A wave of nausea hit my stomach as I read the article again. And again. And again. Each time I read it, the invisible pressure resting against my shoulders felt as if it was pushing me further down. I felt so little at that moment. So heartbroken. Mainly because a big part of me believed the article.
I wished I could say that was the first article I’d seen, but it wasn’t. Over the past few weeks, more and more alike had been flooding in. Articles questioning my capabilities and suggesting that Nathan should take the head coach position. Stories stating that perhaps baseball wasn’t for me, and I should look into starting a softball team of my own. Think pieces about how women weren’t meant to exist in men’s realms.
I locked my phone, the screen going pitch-black, but the words lingered in my mind. They were embedding themselves into my spirit, into my soul, and I couldn’t stop it, even though I tried. I worked really hard for my team over the years. I went to bat for those boys time and time again, and all the achievements I did make, like getting better equipment and getting a facility built so they could be the best they could be, were all being diminished. What was even worse was them saying it was because I was a woman. I’d be fine if they said I sucked. But saying I sucked because I was a woman? That set up acompletely different kind of hurt brewing within me. It felt like I was on trial for my gender as if my every decision was being scrutinized and judged based on my sex.
Unfortunately for me, when I was hurt, I grew angry. And when I was angry, I was no fun to be around.
“Hey, Avery?”
I quickly composed myself at the sound of footsteps approaching. I knew it was Nathan coming to check on me. Normally, after practices, we’d meet in my office to go over our game plan for the following day.
I slid my phone into my pocket and shook off my nerves as I turned to face him. I tried to push out a fake smile, but it fell short. “Hey,” I said.
“I was waiting for you inside.” He narrowed his eyes. “Everything okay?” His voice was laced with concern. Had he read the articles, too? Surely, he saw the one from today. It was on one of the biggest sports websites out there. I had no doubt people had been tagging him in it.
“I’m fine,” I curtly replied, walking past him. “Can we talk about the plan for tomorrow later? I’m not in the mood.”
His footsteps hurried behind me as he caught up to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder, pausing my movement. “Ave, wait, slow down.”
I shook his grip from my arm. “I don’t want to slow down. I don’t want to talk right now, Nathan.”