Page 128 of The Problem with Dating

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m just saying that sometimes you turn off the unprofessional parts of my body and ignite the parts that haven’t been used in quite some time. That’s all I’m getting at.”

“That’s it, that’s all?”

I nodded. “That’s it, that’s all.”

“That’s too bad,” he mentioned. “Because truthfully, I’ve been wondering if you’ve felt what I felt.”

“What do you feel?”

He gave a shy smile and shrugged. “Everything. Which is odd and overwhelming for a person like me who’d spent a good period not feeling a thing.”

I placed his hands in mine, the clay against our fingers blending together. “Does that scare you?”

“Yes,” he confessed. “It terrifies me.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a history of caring for people who didn’t care for me back. Some might say I have an abandonment issue.”

“You’re afraid that if you get too close to someone, they will...?”

“Leave.”

“That can’t be true about everyone in your life, Alex.”

“It’s been true enough to create some scars. Plus, you build up some strong walls when your parents abandoned you as a kid and your girlfriend leaves you for someone who wronged you.”

“My dad said people should put up gates, not walls. It’s easier to let people in.”

“Which is exactly why I build walls. If it’s easy for them to come in, it’s easy for them to go, too.”

I looked down at his hands laced with mine. My heart pounded in my chest as I studied our closeness. How could he say those words when it felt like this, though? How could he not want to give this a real shot?

“You’re scared of this,” I whispered, placing his hand against my chest, over my heartbeats.

“Yes.”

“Because you think I’ll hurt you and leave?”

“Yes.” His mouth grazed mine so gently as he spoke so low. “I think fear is my default setting now.”

“Sounds to me like you just need a reprogramming with the right person.”

“Are you saying you’re that person?”

“I want to be. If you allow me.”

“I know this is supposed to be a fake relationship, but…” He brushed his mouth against mine and whispered, “This feels real to me.”

I kissed him gently, slowly, without hesitation. “This feels real to me.”

“Yara.” He moved his mouth to the edge of my ear and his hot breaths melted against my skin, sending tingles of desire down my spine. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yes?”

“You were never fake for me.”

---