I wonder if he stopped her from meeting his mom too or was the restrictions only for me?
My throat works as I attempt to swallow past the lump in my throat. “No.”
“Then how did you know that name?” He demands, his voice frigid. I tense.
“Last night you were mumbling something in your sleep, your fists were curled tight, it looked like you were trapped in a nightmare. So I tried to calm you down and…” I pause because it is difficult to say it. Taking a breath, I continue, “you thought I was Amy. Because you said her name in your sleep.”
A shadow creeps over his face. Then he gets to his feet. “It was nothing.”
I stand and grab his arm before he can go anywhere. “That’s it? That’s your explanation?”
He faces me. “Yes. What else do you want me to say?” It’s like a punch in the gut. The pain is excruciating. So he doesn’t even think I deserve an explanation?
“I just want to know who she is to you,” I say in a trembling voice.
He watches me wordlessly for a beat then turns and starts to walk away. Like he always does. I won’t allow it. Not today.
I follow him, striding and stand in front of him. “Is she the reason you are so detached with everyone?” He averts his eyes but I don’t let him avoid me. I move to the side to stand in the line of his vision. “You said you weren’t living until me. Was it because of her? Who is this woman? Answer me, Archer!”
“It’s none of your business!” He roars, making me flinch hard.
For several seconds, I don’t react. Just stare at him as hot tears slip down my face. The world crashes down around me and all I can do is stare at the person I loved more than life itself. The man who just broke my heart with one sentence.
I wrap my arms around my middle. “I thought I meant something to you.”
I’m suddenly this six-year-old little girl who’s experiencing losing the person she loves all over again. And it almost brings me to my knees.
Sweat breaks out on my skin, my body trembling. Maybe he doesn’t mean what he said. He is just lashing out because I reminded him of his painful past. What if he lost her like I lost mom…
“What happened to her?”
He holds out a hand, his chest rising and falling fast. “Stop. Stop right there. Don’t say another word.”
“I’m just trying to understand you.”
“Don’t.” He says curtly.
“I wish I knew how.” I bite my trembling lip. “I want you to be happy, Archer. I want to help you. Is that so bad?”
He clutches my upper arm in a vice grip. “Why? Did I ask for your help? I didn’t. Then why, goddammit?”
“Because I love you.” I cry out softly.
There’s a long pause. Then, “But I didn’t ask for your love either.” He chokes out.
I smile through the tears. “I know. But I couldn’t help it.”
His eyes glisten, his jaw set. I cup his face. “Let me in, Archer. Please. Don’t suffer alone. It’s killing me.”
I am begging him. I know how it feels to exist in pain alone. I don’t want to leave him alone. Even when he is pushing me away. I can’t let him go back to how his life was before me.
If he doesn’t love me, it’s okay. I have enough love for the both of us. I’ll stay if it means I can end his sufferings. But only if he’ll let me. Only if he still wants me. Even just a little bit.
He shakes his head. “When I said I don’t deserve any of it, I meant it.” He releases me. Then turns away from me. “This was a mistake.”
I blow out a pained breath when his words slam into me. He trampled on the pieces of my heart that he just broke.
And now that my heart is dead, there’s nothing left inside of me. The fight finally left my body.