Page 167 of My Ruthless Neighbor

It was cruel, really. The way I found out about my feelings for him. And it’s devastating to think that I can’t do anything about it.

I couldn’t just go and demand him to stop seeing other women. I can’t tell him that I love him when I was the one who was reluctant to even try something with him.

When he said he only wants me, I believed him. Even now, I can’t bring myself to believe the photographs or the article fully.

There’s a small part in me that still thinks Archer wouldn’t betray me like that.

From the start, he has been nothing but honest with me. He never once lied. And sometimes, pictures can lie too. I don’t know what really happened.

But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. I was. Deeply. It felt like someone has stabbed me in the heart and the only way to survive is to leave the knife there so I wouldn’t bleed to death.

That’s what it felt like when I returned after having a good cry in the bathroom.

I completed the shoot successfully but the feeling of the knife digging into my chest was there the entire time.

When Raleigh and others offered to go out clubbing after the shoot wrapped up, I denied.

I was so emotionally numb that I didn’t even ask Raleigh or Hannah if they knew about my affair with Archer.

They must have found out some way or the other because they kept glancing at me throughout the shoot like I was going to burst into tears any minute.

I have no idea when or how Archer invaded my lonely heart and owned it. But now that he has, there’s no going back.

I couldn’t quite place this new feeling at first. The feeling of being in love. But it also doesn’t seemnewnew. It’s like this emotion was already there but it was dormant.

For instance, when I got jealous by watching him with Molly. I knew then that something was happening to me.

That day I got frightened and panicked because for the very first time, I felt my heart beating for someone else. Forhim.

And now even after seeing those photos, my heart wants to chase after him. It wants me to clear the misunderstanding. It wants to fight for what it wants. Because my heart wants Archer Kim.

The courage of my heart astounded me. Because after going through the loss of the person who was my whole world, I swore to never love again.

The ugliness of the world helped keeping the promise but then I met Archer.

I loved the small things he did for me. Like the other day when I was perched on the chair while the makeup artist was doing my makeup.

I was uncomfortable, my back was hurting from sitting on the wooden chair. It wasn’t cushiony like the ones I usually sit on while the stylists get me ready for the shoot.

My makeup had to be redone but instead of moving me to the makeup corner, they decided to do it while I was still sitting on the chair where I had spent one hour posing.

Anyway, there I was, squirming to find a comfortable spot when an intern approached me with a throw pillow.

He passed it to me and I tucked it behind my back. When I looked up to thank him, he was already gone. I scanned the room to find him standing next to Archer.

I knew then that he was the one who sent the pillow. I mouthed himThank you. He didn’t say anything, but I saw him typing something on his phone.

A second later, my phone buzzed in my hand. I unlocked it to find his message.

You’re welcome, baby. Just one more hour. Then we’ll head to my place and I’ll give you a body massage.

And he did deliver on his promise. And it didn’t turn into anything sexual. That’s the thing I love about him. He understands me. That night we didn’t fuck, we just hung out. Ate take out and talked about random things… and then he left.

He always left. That was him setting up his boundaries. He may care for me. But I don’t think he could ever love me.

And it was okay. I guess. After all, love doesn’t promise anything. If you love someone, you can’t expect them to love you back. That, itself is the sweetest tragedy.

My phone pings. It’s a message from him.

---