Page 94 of One Last Chance

“You sound like you’re hyperventilating.”

Uh, thank you, big brother, for alerting the entire chopper.

“I’m fine.” He didn’t open his eyes in case anyone might be looking at him. He just needed a full minute. Or two.

The chopper beat the air down the mountain, the wind less turbulent as they fell in elevation. He opened his eyes and spotted the Kahiltna base coming into view as Moose angled the chopper down and landed sweetly on the snow.

Like they hadn’t nearly careened down a mountain, dragging Axel and two others like a tail off the mountain and into . . .

He couldn’t bear the rest.

Moose powered off the rotors, and Dodge got out, opened the door. “We have a plane waiting to bring you guys into Copper Mountain hospital.” He helped the two climbers out, still unsteady on their feet.

He got that. So Axel stayed put in the chopper, even after London exited. Moose had taken off his headphones, and now Axel watched him greet someone—looked familiar.Oh, wait—Orion Starr, Shasta’s cousin. He’d heard he’d returned to Copper Mountain with his wife, Jenny. Must be working as a guide, maybe.

Axel shivered, the wind tugging at him. Maybe someone should have shut the door.

Moose came over. “You good?”

Axel looked away, nodded.

“I don’t think so, bro.” Moose got in and shut the door. “Maybe you should take a ride down to the clinic with the climbers.”

Axel looked at him. “Don’t.”

Moose held up his hands. “I’m just saying that . . . you know. It’s a thing—panic attacks—and?—”

“Listen. I’m fine. Just . . . trying to get out of my head the feeling of being a drogue anchor.”

“Sorry.”

Axel closed his eyes. “I knew it would happen. I don’t know why I’m so . . . whatever.”

“Freaked out? And what did you mean by you knew it would happen?”

He opened his eyes. Took a breath. “I was happy for a full moment and then . . . you know . . . just a good reminder that I need to dial it down.”

“Dial it down?”

“Expectations. I try, you know, to keep it light and happy and not let it in, but . . .”

“Wait, are you talking about the past and—oh, right. You think God is out to get you.”

“No, I just think . . . Listen. We both know I’ve made some pretty big mistakes, and, well—karma.”

“That’s a bunch of crazy talk. First, there’s no such thing, and second, God doesn’t get even by messing up your life, Axel. He very much wants you to be whole and free?—”

“And happy?”

Moose shook his head. “He’s not interested in your happiness.”

Axel frowned.

“He’s interested in your joy. Happiness is circumstantial. It’s fleeting and momentary. Joy is . . . it’s a state of being. It’s living in the place where you know that you’re loved by God, that he is at work in you, and that you can trust his control. And that beats any kind of happiness, all day long.”

Moose scrubbed his hands down his face. Leaned back. Fatigue lined his face.

Reminded Axel of how Moose had looked when he’d plucked him off the shore. “Sorry I keep nearly dying.”

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