Page 72 of Ford

Whereas she was unkempt, tired, crabby, and…

Stupid.

“Don’t be nice to me, Ford. I was naive. I got caught up in the moment, and suddenly I was a tourist, buying a gift for my brother. We both know I jeopardized this op.”

“It’s all going to work out.”

“How—you have some secret Doctor Who gadget in there that will make the border guards think we’re Russian?”

He frowned at her.

“Doctor Who? His magic identity card—forget it. I don’t know why you’re so calm. By this time tomorrow we’re going to be sitting in Siberia eating watered-down borscht and making birch bark shoes.”

He smiled, and she glared at him.

“This isn’t funny. I should have never said yes to this. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing wrong with thinking about your brother.”

“There is when we’re on a mission. I totally screwed up. Which is probably why I need to leave the military.” She ran her hand over her forehead. “It’s probably naive of me to think I could make it as a Rescue Swimmer anyway. Who am I kidding—”

He made to touch her, then dropped his hands. Good, because if he came near her with that pity smile…

And how much of a mess was she that she longed for him to reach out and take her hand. To wrap his fingers through hers like he’d done when they’d sprinted for the train.

Now, he looked at her, his gaze so intense, she felt it again—that need to hold onto him. “Who are you kidding? You passed your PRT. You’re one of the bravest women I know—”

“Oh, please, Ford. Stop being nice to me. I know I screwed up. And you’re paying the cost for it.”

“Fine. Okay, yeah, you screwed up.”

She tried not to flinch.

“It’ll still work out.”

“In what world—you don’t speak Russian. I don’t speak Russian—”

“Stop. This is not the first time an op has gone south.”

“I’m supposed to be far, far away watching from overhead, warning you—” She shook her head. “But I can’t even do that right.”

He frowned.

“I’m just…I don’t know what I was thinking. Sure, Ford, I’ll hop on a plane with you, be your wing man. Like I’m actually someone who could help—”

“You can help. Youdidhelp in Prague.”

“No. Roy would have never followed me to my table if I hadn’t asked for a glass of water. And then I had to pretend to be Lara Croft, or some international spy—”

“You were fabulous.”

“Yeah. I’mamazingat pretending. I’ve been pretending my entire life. All things to all people so they won’t leave me behind. Until I completely let them down.”

“You think you let me down—?”

“IknowI let you down.”

She gritted her jaw and turned away. “I’m just playing a game here. On all your adventures, I’m just along for the ride. Pretending like I might make a difference.”

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