Page 122 of Ford

He glanced at her, back to the window. “It’s okay. I get it. You’re probably right.”

She frowned, scooted up next to him. “I don’t think—”

“I keep rolling what you said through my brain. About me blaming RJ and you, and…” He shook his head. “I don’t.”

“I know—”

“But I am angry.”

Oh.

“I’m angry at my own stupid pride. The arrogance to think that I could just come to Russia and rescue my sister—as if she needed rescuing. She was just fine before I showed up to ‘save her.’” He finger quoted his words with one hand. “She’d figured out how to get out of the country on her own, and I just made a mess of it.”

Scarlett wanted to interrupt, but he didn’t stop. “I am a lone wolf, reckless, and I get people in over their heads.” He shook his head. “I charge in without thinking, and yeah, some might call it brave, but it’s just pride. The idea that I can do it better than my team, or…God, I guess.”

He leaned his forehead onto his arms. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” His jaw tightened. “I’ll get you out of Russia and back home, and I promise never to knock on your door again.”

Oh, Ford. She touched his back, took a breath. “But what if you need me?”

“I need you all the time, Red.” He said it softly, then turned to her. “I don’t know if I can put it into words that make sense, but having you with me—and I don’t just mean in my ear, but in my life—it makes me better. It’s like I’m smarter or stronger…just better. And it’s different than the way I need the team. They have my back. You…you have me.”

Her throat filled. “Idohave you. And it scares me so much I… You nearly died, Ford. Again. And again. And the thought of you…” She swallowed, looked away before his gaze on her could devastate her, could make her throw herself into his arms.

He made to reach out to her but pulled back, his hand a fist. “I know you’re scared, Red. Honestly, I scare myself sometimes. But see, that’s the thing. I’ve gotten used to you being there on the other side of the exfil. I don’t think about myself or getting hurt. I just think about getting the job done, then coming back to you. You and your smile and the way you listen and…and if that’s all you ever want, I…get it. I’m sorry if I pushed you too far.”

She stared at him, the words ringing inside her.

You were raped, Red. And that sits in my brain, and it hurts me, and the last thing I want to do is scare you.

Oh.

As much as I want you…I also need you to know that you’re safe. You’re always safe with me.

No wonder he never made the first move. No wonder he never acted like he really wanted her unless she acted first.

She touched his hand, eased open the fist, and wound her fingers through his. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

His eyes stormed with emotion. “Red…”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I just…I’m afraid...” The words stuck in her throat.That I’ll need you more than you need me.

He turned to her then, as if reading her mind. “I know you’re scared. And that you have no reason to trust me, to think I won’t hurt you. And I know you try and mask it by telling me that you don’t need promises. Try to act like it doesn’t matter by saying you’re just a right now girl, but I know you, Red. You’renota right now girl, and you never have been.”

He took her other hand. “You act so tough and cool, but inside there is a woman who wants more—I see it in the way you look at your little brother. At the way you went to help your mom. I saw it in the way you interacted with my family. And you don’t have to be scared of that. It’s a good thing to want a home, a family. Love. It’s not crazy or selfish or even weak to need someone. Or want to be needed.”

It scared her sometimes how much he knew her. “Ford—”

“By the way, I’m not a right now guy either—”

“I know—”

“What you don’t know is that I…” He took a breath, and his eyes turned almost fierce in hers. “I love you, Scarlett. And not just because I need you, but because…because you’re brave and beautiful and you know me, and you said yes anyway.”

She couldn’t move.

“The truth is, I don’t know why I need you. Or why I love you. But I don’t need areasonto love you. I just do, and that means I’m in. I’m calling it. And I can’t do anything but show you that I love you for the rest of my life. And if that’s too much for you, I get it. But I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

He wore so much emotion in his eyes, so much hope it made her want to weep.

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