Page 42 of Viktor at Sea

The last time I was here, I had dropped onto one knee and poured my heart out. I declared my undying love and was still yet to receive an answer. Perhaps I would have if Crosby hadn’t turned up and ruined the moment. It still angered me to think of it, but today helped heal the pain a little.

I couldn’t blame Crosby and his rude disturbance for the answer Astrid hadn’t given me, and I couldn’t blame Astrid for not giving me an answer yet. It wasn’t like I had been pleasantand kind to her since I moved to Jorvik. On the contrary, I had probably made my presence here a nightmare for her. The only relief she received was when I went away on missions for months at a time.

I wasn’t ashamed to admit that my spiralling thoughts brought a single tear to my eye, and I didn’t bother to wipe it away. What was the point of love, even if unrequited, if I couldn’t feel the ups and downs of it?

I intended to return Kis safely back to the Skau hut before sneaking back to my own, not wanting to be seen by anyone. If I were caught by either Astrid or her parents, it would give them even more reason to despise me and misunderstand my intentions about being there at this time of night. If I were caught by anyone else, they would also think that I was being indecent.

Those thoughts quickly vanished from my mind when I spotted a figure sneak out from behind the hut, cautiously walking around the side. She came to a sudden stop when she spotted me.

I didn’t need to guess who the person in the shadows was. It was confirmation enough when Kis jumped out of my arms, crossed the short distance between us, and jumped into Astrid’s arms.

I knew that it would be best if I turned around. If I left, but I couldn’t hold myself back.

“Astrid,” I called out to her in a small voice, not wanting to wake her parents and aggravate the delicate situation further.

Much to my surprise, instead of turning around to leave, Astrid walked forward until she was out of the shadows of the hut, and I could finally see her.

“Viktor,” she whispered back, her voice equally as small and quiet as mine. There was a tremble about her voice which hurt my heart. Not just because I could hear her pain, but because itgave me hope of something capable of destroying me. “I thought you had left.”

“I could never leave…” my voice trailed off. I wanted to say,I could never leave you,but stopped myself.

I couldn’t push her. Not when she looked so small and vulnerable. Not when she looked to be in pain. Emotional pain. And certainly not when I watched her blink back tears.

“Where did you go?” Astrid asked in a small, pained voice.

“I went to Isle,” I told her. “Barden sent me there on a small mission. To retrieve some gold they owed us and sell them some of our new spears. We would have returned earlier if the Chief of Isle didn’t insist that he would only discuss business with us after we had shared a meal.” I knew I didn’t owe her an explanation, but I couldn’t help myself. The last thing I wanted her to think was that I was trying to leave which would never be the case when it came to her. Leaving Astrid would be like leaving behind my heart, and a man could only go on for so long without his heart.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she told me, and I watched as she moved toward the hut.

My heart ached as I watched her walk away from me, but when she took a seat on the step and moved over to make room for another, my heart skipped a beat.

“Join me?”

Unable to deny her such a simple ask, I moved to sit next to her on the steps. Silence washed over us as we sat next to each other, just staring ahead into the darkness of the night sky.

I had so much to say to her, so much I wanted to express, yet I couldn’t formulate a single sentence.

Not with her looking at me like that.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Astrid was the only one brave enough to break the silence which was a good thing as I could hardly think straight.

Who knew love could be like this? So intense and all-consuming?

“I need you to be honest with me, Viktor,” Astrid whispered into the darkness of the night, gently running her fingers through Kis’ fur. With her eyes closed, the cat purred quietly, no doubt falling asleep in her owner’s lap. I wished for Astrid to do the same to me. To run her fingers through my hair, her gentle touch lulling me to sleep.

“You just have to ask, Astrid. I’ll tell you whatever you want to hear,” I said.

“I don’t want that.” She gently shook his head, looking distraught. With how close we were sitting, her hair tickled my face, and I couldn’t help but lean in toward her, subtly inhaling the fresh cotton scent that always seemed to linger about her. It was my favourite scent. “I don’t want you to say anything because you think it will please me or you think it’s what I want to hear. I want you to be truthful with me.”

“I’ll answer all your questions with nothing but the truth,” I promised her.

What I didn’t tell her was that this was a promise for a lifetime. I would always be truthful with her because I knew Astrid, like her family, valued truth and honesty. If the truth was painful to hear, I would soothe it as much as I possibly could, but I would still be honest with her. From this day forward, I would only bend the truth when jesting with her.

“Thank you,” Astrid whispered, reaching a hand up to tuck an offending strand of hair behind her ear, keeping it away from her face. “The other morning, when you were down on one knee…” her voice trailed off as she cleared her throat, shifting her eyes to stare at a sleeping Kis. “Was everything you said true?”

“Yes.” I nodded my head frantically, my heart hammering so hard and loud in my chest that I could feel it from the tips of my toes to the back of my throat. My tongue was desperate to unfold and tell her my innermost thoughts and feelings, and I held myself back no longer. “Everything I said about loving you for years and being a fool not to realise it earlier was nothing short of the truth.” I held my breath, contemplating reaching out and placing my hand over hers. The touch would be gentle and intimate, innocent, but I held myself back. I didn’t know how Astrid would react. Not when she seemed so conflicted about all of this. She had two proposals to choose between, after all. “I want nothing more than to marry you, Astrid. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I’ve wanted this. I know that I can make you happy. I know that I can give you the life that you deserve. I love you more than any man can ever love you. I promise you that.”

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