Page 19 of Sloane

"Never." He pulls me closer to him, placing a soft kiss against my temple and then opening my bedroom door. "Now, go get some sleep. You told us you can fuck often. We'll want to see if that's true."

A part of me wants to wrap my arms around Jovi and invite him into my room to hold me while I fall asleep because, right now, I need someone near me. If he's having problems dealing with what just happened, though, I don't want to make it even more difficult. So, I fiddle with the blanket I'm wearing and chew on my lip, staring at him until he gives the doorframe a final pat and then turns down the hall to leave.

I let the door close shut and then sit on my bed, trying to figure out why I feel so cold and alone after just feeling the best I've ever felt in my life.

After I finish throwing myself a small pity party, I hop in the shower, scrub all the leftovers from fucking from me, and curl up in bed to go to sleep.

eight

Sloane

My fingers wrap around the mug of hot… well, what's supposed to be an equivalent to coffee, according to Essa. It's got the hot part down, the bitter part down, but it's not making me feel any better this morning like my normal deliciously sugared and creamed coffee would at home.

I guess I can't expect too much since no one on this ship thought to program in any human food. I'm lucky to have something that kind of resembles coffee and an enthusiastic Essa who's swiping through all the rest of the food choices, looking for something to pour into it to make it more appealing.

"What about an oil made from a creature on my planet that tastes like your human vanilla?" she asks with a wiggle of her brows as she turns to face me. "That sounds good."

"But what if it makes my mouth all oily when I go to drink it?"

The thought of drinking anything that still sticks to my mouth makes me dry heave a little bit. We've already tried three otheroils, and each one had me throwing out the whole drink because of how gross the texture was.

Essa frowns at me, her hands going to her hips. "This is the fifth one you have wretched at. Do you not want to put anything in it?"

"Look, if you told me you had milk or sugar, I'd be down, but you keep listing off weird animal fats, and at one point, I'm pretty sure you implied one of them was still alive."

"Not anymore." Essa throws her hands up in exasperation. "This is a synthesizer. It replicates foods, but none of it is truly the same as the real thing. If you want to eat the skin of a quash, we'll do that when you visit Haven III."

My heart does a little song and dance when Essa talks about visiting her home planet like it's something we'll definitely be doing. I hope it's true and not just something she's saying to make me feel better about not liking any of her choices to flavor my coffee with. She's been a good friend since I've been here, and I'm wondering if she didn't need a good girlfriend just as much as I did.

"Okay, until we visit, I'll just get used to drinking this plain."

I bring the steaming cup to my lips and brace for the bitterness before the liquid even touches my tongue. Essa grimaces, a shiver running down her body. She's made it abundantly clear that she hates the drink even though it hails from her planet.

"Suit yourself." She shrugs before turning back to the synthesizer and flicking through a few options before choosing one.

She's just turned around, mouth open to say something, when the kitchen door opens, revealing a startled and disheveled Alik. My face flushes, thinking back to three nights ago when he had me begging him to impregnate me. Since then, I haven't seen him or Jovi.

Their obvious dismissal of me hurts, but it's about what I expected when I took the job. Maybe I let myself think they cared about me a bit more than they did when they were paying me so much attention. Their lack of interest since having sex with me has made it clear where I lie in the hierarchy of things.

"What?" Essa snaps at Alik, who's just standing there gawking.

I may have confided in her I'm hurt by how they're treating me. She tried to make me feel better by telling me they aren't used to a pleasure crew female paying them much attention or letting them entertain me in courting ways. Not that she would elaborate on the courting ways when I asked. I want to believe her, but the lack of even being acknowledged right now is making it hard to stay optimistic.

"Sorry." Alik holds a hand up, "I didn't know you were in here. I'll come back later."

He turns to leave, but before he can get very far, I call out to him, "Which one of us did you not know was in here? If it's me, I was just about to go back to my room, anyway."

It shouldn't break my heart when he turns back around, one hand on the back of his neck. It shouldn't feel like a stab in the chest as he walks deeper into the kitchen, confirming it's just me that he and Jovi don't want to see.

I refuse to let the sting of tears fall, though. Refuse to let him see that his dickishness is actually hurting me. I just grab my cup of coffee and make my way out of the kitchen.

The door is still in the process of sliding shut when I hear the sound of Essa hitting Alik. It shouldn't bring a twitch of a smile to my lips, but it does.

"So, how long until we're at the rendezvous spot?" I ask Holoth as I spin around in the captain chair Phial evacuated a few minutes ago.

After leaving the kitchen, I wandered around the ship for a little while, not wanting to seclude myself from everyone. That's how I ended up in the navigation pit, annoying Phial and Holoth with all of my questions. Well, now it's just Holoth since Phial needed to use the restroom.

"A week, give or take, until we're at the meeting spot. After that, we wait until they contact us again." Holoth keeps his eyes on one of the radars even though it's shown the same thing the entire time I've been in here.

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