Page 90 of A Touch of Gold and Madness

I cleared my throat before I launched into explaining the session between Chrome and me. I told him about how I’d bonded with the air element, followed by the shared emotional connection between Chrome and me. How he’d been hiding that fact since we’d met.

“I feel violated. Betrayed. Which is so dumb because I barely know him, but I…” I began and shook my head. “I just know he’s holding so many secrets, which I respect. But when they pertain to me, I thought he’d respectmeenough to disclose that sort of information.”

Orion nodded. “You are entitled to your emotions, Gray. I don’t know what you’ve endured, but I can imagine if you were raised by Forest, then discovering a secret like that would feel like a betrayal. I’d like to think I know Chrome. He is my nephew, after all, so I know he probably hates himself for hiding something like that from you. Truly. He bears so much responsibility, carrying the world on his shoulders when he shouldn’t. And whatever this bond that links the two of you is, I know you’re probably the last person he wishes to bring harm upon,” Orion explained gently.

“I’m not telling you this to make any excuses for him withholding this truth from you. You are justified in your anger. But sometimes, our trauma makes us react before we can rationally respond. So perhaps take some time to think deeply about this issue before confronting him.”

I nodded, mulling over his words. It was nice to have someone to talk to about these types of conflicts. I’d never had anyone wise and kind to listen. Slate had always been there for me, but this support was different.

A knot formed in my throat, threatening to spill pent-up emotions. I swallowed itdown instead.

Orion shifted next to me, reaching into his back pocket and retrieving a pink envelope. He ran a finger over it. “This is for you. From Lilly. She sent this to me along with the other letters she sent all those years ago.”

I hesitated. My hand itched to snatch it from him, but my mind paused in fear. Fear of becoming attached to a woman I’d never meet, hug, or receive the motherly affection I’d craved my entire life. And once I read it, that’d be it. There’d be nothing else left of her.

Ever so slowly, I reached out a hand, my heart so heavy from the exchange. More loss. I’d be losing someone I’d never truly had.

I stared down at the pale pink envelope scrawled with elegant calligraphy, indicating it derived from a royal. She was every bit the queen Orion made her out to be. Instead of the Kinetic name I was used to,Aeranwas written in its place.

Orion must’ve seen my confused expression because he said, “That was her name for you—Aeran. It’s your Elemental name. Like Griffin is Chrome’s.”

I met his eyes once again. He was parting with one of the last things he had left of his dearest friend. I said, “Thank you. I can’t wait to learn more about her.”

Orion dipped his chin in acknowledgment. “Nothing would make me happier. You’re a piece of her, so I’m here for you anytime.”

A rare emotion filled my chest, clenching my throat: gratitude. I reached for his hand that rested on a black-clad knee and pulled it into my own. “Thank you, Orion. Your kindness…it’s not something I’m used to. I’ll always be grateful for it.”

He gave my hand a small squeeze, followed by an empathetic smile. “Sometimes, that’s all we need. Just one kind person to show us things differently. To perhaps give a perspective shift, even if it’s a small one.”

That night, I grabbed a meal from the dining hall and brought it to my room to eat in seclusion.

The jacuzzi in the bathroom oasis sang to me like a siren’s song. So, after I ate, I slid into its warm depths. Varying salts soaked into the water, sending wafting aromas around the chamber.

The gilded layer on my skin stunned me whenever I caught a glance of my bare body. Before climbing into the bath, I studied my rainbow irises. My true eye color. It was jarring after becoming so accustomed to a particular appearance all my life, but I liked it.

A new version of me, I told myself.

I mulled over Orion’s advice as it pertained to Chrome. He might not have intended to hurt me, but he did. Perhaps I reacted a bit too harshly. Maybe calling him “disgusting” was a tad excessive. Guilt clenched my stomach at the memory of his crestfallen face, and the abject shame from his emotions that had assaulted me.

I shifted my thoughts to my mother, who was the polar opposite of my father in every way. My heart broke for the woman Orion described. The final years of her life were spent in terror, making the man I’d been raised by more of a monster than I’d ever realized.

That triggered more questions: what did that say about the person I was? Did that make me a monster, too? I’d killed twenty-four Elementals who had just been defending themselves and their families—all for the sake of earning his acceptance and pride.

I’d been so engrossed in my own issues that the bigger picture never occurred to me. I’d been fed these “truths” about Elementals since I could form memories, and I never thought to question them.

It feltgross. Chrome wasn’t the one who was disgusting. I was. Which was maybe why I struggled with meeting other Elementals eye to eye. I wasn’t worthy of their respect, loyalty, or kindness. Not that I’d ever expected it. I’d never received it from the people that I’d actually been born to lead, but somewhere hidden inside, I’d secretly hoped things could be different here. A fresh start. New people.

But in actuality, did I deserve it?

I inhaled deeply, breathing in the calming lavender before sliding beneath the water’s surface. If only I could stay hidden under the water’s warmth indefinitely.

Water. My mother’s element. I imagined her guiding the water to soothe, protect, and cleanse me. I emptied all the air from my lungs, feeling myself grow weightier until I lay flat on the bottom of the tub. The rippling water’s surface blurred the view of the warm light from the ceiling above.

Just when my lungs began to spasm, I pushed myself to the surface. I gulped in air, guiding my drenched hair from my face.

The lights refracted off the silver bracelet on my wrist. My Kinetic magic had been repressed for too long. But the shame from my past made it to where I didn’t want it anymore.

With that thought, my chest tightened, effectively bringing my relaxation to an end.

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