Page 137 of A Touch of Gold and Madness

I screamed; it was raw and guttural and ripped my vocal cords into flayed strips, releasing my anguish into nature’s embrace.

Chrome held me tight, anchoring me to the earth so it could absorb my suffering. I was so tired of holding myself on a tight leash all the time, so tired of hiding my emotions from the world.

Harsh sobs wracked through my body as I cried, while I wished I wasn’t having this ridiculous meltdown in front of him. It would taint how he saw me. Now, he’d know the truth. I wasn’t strong like I portrayed myself to be. I was broken. I’d just hoped I would’ve been able to piece myself back together without anyone bearing witness to it.

Severing the shackles of a lifetime of brainwashing was excruciating. The toxic patterns and mindset that had been instilled in me since birth were as hard as steel. And I questioned if I’d ever be strong enough to break them all.

The letter from my mother had been so many things to me. Not only was it a physical manifestation of her thoughts and emotions, but it was also the only piece of a loving parent I’d ever held. It was the closest thing to a hug from her I’d ever receive. It represented the stark contrast to myfather, to show me that there was good in me after all. That I wasn’t just my father’s daughter. That maybe, through the letter, I’d be able to recognize the morality in me.

Now, it was gone.

Here I was again, so fucking pissed at constantly being under someone’s thumb, but once more, I was lashing out at the wrong person. I wasn’t mad at Chrome but at myself. It felt like I’d never be truly free; like every time I began to pick myself back up, my father’s fists knocked me back down, reminding me of my place.

I continued to scream until my voice could no longer withstand it. Chrome supported me against him, providing a safe place to unleash it all. The wind whipped around us, mixing between lashes and caresses, mirroring my warring emotional states.

“What do you need, Gray?” Chrome asked again. “I’ll do anything.” His voice was rough in my ear, full of emotion due to the turbulence he felt from me.

“I need…” I didn’t recognize my voice. “I need…” The adrenaline and anger fled my body, replaced by exhaustion instead. My head felt fuzzy, my throat sore, and my body weak. I felt empty as I sagged against him. He held me firm, a pillar of strength. “I need to be reminded of the good parts of myself.”

Chrome ran his fingers gently through my hair and massaged my scalp, relaxing me. The wind settled into a calming breeze, and the cold air seeped into my bones with the adrenaline gone. “There’s so much good in you, Gray. It kills me that you don’t see it. But I'll be more than happy to show you. As many times as it takes.”

“How?” I asked, my voice weak.

Chrome pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I have my ways.”

“I don’t like that you think I’m a savage.”

“I love that part of you,” he murmured against the top of my head. “As much as you bring me light, I bask in your darkness, too. Because I want all of you. Good, bad, light, and dark. Whole or broken. I wantyouto love the dark parts of yourself because dark and light exists within us all, Gray.”His baritone voice vibrated down my spine. “We can’t escape it. Running from ourselves never ends well. It’s only when we come to embrace our whole selves that we find any sort of peace. I may be a monster, but I’m a monster against other monsters. I’ll gladly be a monster for those I care about. My family. Foryou.”

Hot tears streamed down my face. “I don’t know if I can accept that part of me. It’s the part that belongs to Forest.”

“Did you not hear what Orion said about your mother? She was a fierce warrior. Powerful and ruthless when she needed to be. But she was also kind, gentle, and loving. Yes, your father molded you into a killer. But we can’t allow what he did to dictate our lives, to forfeit our happiness because we don’t think we’re worthy. Whatever shit he put in your head about being unwanted and unworthy was a ploy to control you, to manipulate you to his own ends.” He shifted his arm to trail a hand from the center of my chest and up the column of my throat, cupping me just under my jaw.

“You are so much more special and powerful than he ever allowed you to believe. He wanted you to be manageable because he saw what happened with me. He needed you on a tight leash. But you’re free now, my little savage. You’re ruthless, yes, but you’re also his worst nightmare because of it. It’s one of the most raw and beautiful parts of you, just as much as your compassion, heart, and light. I want to see it all.” He angled my head so I’d peer up at him over my shoulder. His ethereal beauty blurred through my tears.

My chest loosened, and warmth flooded my chest at the way he looked at me like I was his everything. His world. “I’m sorry.” My voice broke from the emotion he evoked inside me, hitting all the exposed wounds that I tried to hide. “I shouldn’t have attacked you over the letter. That wasn’t okay…”

“Shh.” Chrome’s thumb tugged on my bottom lip. “I appreciate your apology, but your defensiveness and anger are warranted. I understand it. Feeling that lack of control reminds you of your father and how you were treated.” He stroked his thumb across my cheekbone. “You’ll get there,Gray. It takes time. But in the meantime, I’m here for you to unleash on when you’re triggered. I can handle it.”

What remained intact of my heart shattered in his arms.

The kindness. The adoration. The strength.

But there was one thing that held me back from falling over the cliff with him. “I hate that I need to be saved, especially by a man. I’m not helpless, Chrome. And I’m not a damsel.” My stomach twisted at the realization of how much Chrome had saved me. And then how Slate had saved me all those years ago when I was more than capable of taking care of myself.

“Gray, you’re far from a damsel. Why do you think I’ve pushed you to train and hone all your abilities? I want you to have all your blind spots covered, as well as sharpening your fighting skills in the event I’m not around anymore,” he said, letting the notion linger. “I want you to be so fucking deadly that no onedaresto look at you the wrong way. You’re my equal in every single way. No one can come close to challenging me like you do. And I love it so fucking much.”

Chrome swiped away the tears. “It doesn’t make you weak to accept help. We all need it. Life on a normal basis is hard to do alone. Which is why your father had us so isolated.” His eyes zeroed in on my bottom lip, sending my pulse racing for different reasons than before. “If you haven’t noticed, you’ve saved me just as much, Rainbow. You gave me hope. You brought me back from the brink of no return.Yougave me freedom.”

In the same way he’d just grounded me from my panic, now, he sent me soaring through space, forgetting that oxygen was even necessary for survival. Fuck, he was the most beautiful being I’d ever seen. He lifted his eyes to meet mine, and a fiery passion burned within them, making the molten silver in his eyes swirl wildly.

“Everything inside me wants to gut your father and hang his corpse by his entrails for all the world to see for what he’s put you through. For every time he made you feel less. For every hair he hurt on your head. I want him to suffer so fucking slowly for it. But I can’t rob you of your justice. I will proudly watch you as you take what’s yours.”

The last of my walls crumbled. I grabbed the back of his head and yanked him toward me. He didn’t resist as our lips met, our breaths mingling and tongues dancing. It wasn’t gentle from either one of us.

I spun to where I straddled his lap, roaming my hands down his sculpted chest while his hands explored my curves. Greedy. Dominant.

“You’re mine, Gray Monroe.” Chrome tucked his head underneath the curtain of my hair, kissing and biting down the column of my neck. “You fucking own my decaying heart.”

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